


Shot In The Dark

by Laure Alexander (ladyoneill)



Series: The Erotic Adventures of Willow and Spike [37]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bondage, F/M, Gunshot Wounds, Oral Sex, Whipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-05-02
Packaged: 2017-12-08 12:25:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 25,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/761286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyoneill/pseuds/Laure%20Alexander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eleven months after I broke them up I finally reunited them. Lots of secrets get spilled in this fic as Spike suffers a near fatal catastrophe. </p><p>Original chapter summary: One week after Heartache...The beginning of the reconciliation starts here, people!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in eleven chapters and three interludes, which I will be incorporating into this story and labeling as such, over a seven and a half month time period, this chapter was published on May 2, 1999. The events that occur in this fic play a major role in later fics, including the final one that is still a WIP. I don't recall if I knew this was how I would fix the Willow/Spike mess when I originally broke them up, but it seemed to satisfy the original readers. Lots of character development, some violence, and a bit of smut. Overall, an NC17 rating, though most chapters are no more than PG13, including the first.

Willow hurried home from the library, taking a risk and cutting through the edge of the park. It wasn't the smartest thing to do, but she always carried a cross and holy water. She had never meant to stay in the library past dusk, but time had slipped away from her as she had run more tests on her blood.

With a sigh of relief she saw the exit from the park just ahead of her. It would put her only two blocks from her house. As she moved faster, she couldn't stop herself from running into the body that suddenly appeared before her, blocking her path.

"What the fuck are you doing out this late alone?" Spike demanded harshly.

Willow stumbled backwards, dropping her book bag. Irrational anger flooded her and she raised her hand to hit him. Spike caught it easily, glowering at her. She struggled, steamed. "Let me go! You have no say over anything I do anymore."

"Do you really want to end up some idiot's meal?" he snapped back, flinging her hand away from him.

"Better than being your sex slave."

"Yeah, well you made yourself that, princess."

One minute they were yelling at each other, leaning in, their foreheads nearly touching, the next, a gun was shoved between them forcing them to stumble backwards.

"Gimme your money, your jewelry, now, now," the tall, lanky man demanded, his voice and hand shaking.

Willow went white and stared, eyes round, at the gun only a foot from her face.

Spike growled and let his face shift, not in the mood to deal with a potential mugger. "Put the fucking gun down, now."

Seeing his demonic face, the mugger screamed and the gun swung wildly from the girl to the monster. Just as Spike started to move in front of Willow and reach for the gun, the mugger fired, shot after shot, emptying the gun into Spike's chest.

Willow screamed as she watched Spike take nine shots in the chest at point blank range.

*****

"What was that?" Buffy mumbled, pulling her mouth free of Angel's. He had her pressed up against an alley wall, a block from the park.

"Gunshots, screams, who the fuck cares," Angel growled, placing his hands on her shoulders to try to push her to her knees.

Distracted, Buffy batted his hands away, then heard the feminine scream. "It's coming from the park."

"Vampires don't use guns. You're a vampire slayer. Not your business," Angel argued, burying his mouth in her neck and sucking hungrily.

Finally Buffy managed to shove him away, then strode determinedly down the alley.

"Buffy, come back here."

"I just want to see what happened," she yelled over her shoulder as she hurried across the street.

Muttering under his breath, Angel followed her.

*****

As if in slow motion, Willow watched Spike fall, crumpling to his knees, then onto his side. Blood oozed from the small holes in his chest and flowed from the larger ones in his back. The acrid scent of gunpowder made her nose twitch and her eyes flashed wildly up at the mugger.

He was waving the gun and staring at Spike, watching the demon slide away. "Monster, he's a fuckin' monster." Panicked, he turned and ran.

Willow didn't even watch him go. Her terror at being mugged fell away, replaced by her overwhelming concern for Spike. Dropping to her knees, she gently placed one hand on his chest, feeling the blood soak her palm. "Spike?" she whispered.

There was no response. His eyes were closed and his body was still. The only motion was the blood that continued to soak his clothes and the ground.

Willow felt her throat begin to close as the terror staggered her. Something was very wrong. Bullets weren't supposed to hurt vampires, well, not for very long. Brushing aside his over shirt, Willow looked at the pattern of holes on his white t-shirt.

They were all over his heart.

"Oh God..."

*****

By the time she entered the park, Buffy was running. She didn't know why. She just had this really bad feeling. Rounding a corner, she saw a figure with red hair kneeling over a body. Fear choked her and she gasped.

"Will?"

Slowly, Willow turned and saw Buffy. Tears began to pour from her eyes and she sobbed wildly. "I don't know what's wrong with him."

She shifted enough for Buffy to catch a glimpse of peroxide blonde hair. Relief flooded her as she realized the body wasn't Xander or Giles or any other human male. Quickly she moved over to her friend and knelt down next to her.

"What happened, Willow?" she asked, while carefully examining the wounds in Spike's chest.

"We...we were arguing...yelling...what else is new... Then...this guy...he had a gun and wanted our money and Spike...morphed," her voice died away and she sobbed.

"Let me guess, the guy freaked and shot him." Buffy nibbled on her lower lip as she noted the pattern of the shots.

"Why won't he get up?"

"Will, it looks like all the bullets went into his heart," Buffy said gently.

"But...they're not wood."

Buffy shook her head, confused herself.

"Well, Willow, since when have you taken up shooting people?" a snide voice from behind them asked cheerfully.

Buffy groaned. She had totally forgotten about Angel. Willow panicked by freezing and beginning to hyperventilate.

Jumping to her feet, Buffy hurried to Angel and grabbed his arm, trying to tug him away. "Come on, lover, nothing to see here. Let's go back to my place." Looking up at the fury in his eyes, she slowly released him and stepped back.

"Stupid bitch. You think I can't recognize the scent of my own?" Shoving Buffy out of the way, he strode to Willow and yanked her to her feet, holding her on her tiptoes by the scruff of her neck. She squeaked.

Growling, Angel tossed her aside, sending her stumbling into Buffy and both girls sprawling into the dirt of the path. Crouching over Spike, Angel shook his head slowly.

"I knew something was going on with him. Never would have guessed it was you, Willow."

Willow struggled to her feet and began to babble. "No, nothing going on, nothing. Ran into him here, mugger shot him, nothing else, I swear."

Demonic eyes boring into hers shut her up. "Obviously Spikey here can walk, or could before getting himself shot," he barked. "How long."

Shaking her head in terror, Willow squeezed her hands together. She had no clue what to do.

Buffy slipped her arm around Willow's waist, trying to comfort her.

Feeling herself growing a little stronger with the knowledge that Buffy was backing her up, Willow finally managed to respond. "I don't know."

Swinging around, Angel stalked over to them and grabbed Willow's chin, forcing her to look at him. Buffy protested and he placed one hand in the middle of her chest and shoved her onto her ass. "Stay put. Now, Willow," his voice took on a silky, deadly characteristic, "could he walk that first time I fucked you?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"So, that little story of him wheeling up to you and knocking you over the head, was just a little story?"

"Eep."

"That's not an answer. Maybe I'll get it out of your hide," he threatened.

"Leave her alone, Angel," Buffy blustered, rising to her feet.

His icy gaze swung on her and Buffy shivered. "And, you, my little whore, did you fuck him after all?"

"Wh--what...? No, of course not."

Angel's eyes narrowed as he tried to determine whether or not she was telling the truth. From behind him came a low groan and Willow began to struggle.

"He's coming to."

Angel snorted and shook her like a rag doll. "Not for long. Nine bullets in the heart, three still lodged there if the exit wounds can be trusted. That's a lot of damage."

A stricken look fell over Willow's face and pain replaced the terror. "It...it can kill him?" Her breath caught in her throat and she gagged, as the implications flooded her mind. If Spike died...Tears streamed down her cheeks and she wasn't sure for whom she was crying. If Spike died, so would she. The ramifications of the bond had never been so real.

"Huh?" Buffy asked, very confused. "They weren't wooden bullets.

"And you call yourself the Slayer," Angel derided her, finally letting Willow loose. She ran to Spike's side and pulled her shirt over her head, leaving her in a thin camisole. Trying to staunch the flow of blood, she sobbed his name over and over, determined to make him live...because she was not ready to die.

"Wooden stake to the heart, decapitation, sunlight, fire, that's the way I kill my vamps."

"Enough damage to the heart or removal from the body will do the job just as well," Angel snapped back, turning to watch Willow tenderly brushing the dirt from Spike's cheek as she pressed the shirt to his back. "Fuck...she's in love with him."

"Huh? No. It's not love, don't be silly," Buffy tried to cover for her friend.

"I want to know what the Hell has been going on behind my back and for how long and I want to know it now," he roared.

Spike's eyes flickered open and he groaned. "Shut up, you prick," he mumbled.

"Spike? Oh God, please don't die," Willow begged, more tears streaking her pale cheeks.

"Willow?" He tried to raise a hand to touch her, but didn't have the strength. "Fuck...hurts..."

"God isn't going to listen to you, girl," Angel said.

Swiveling her head to look at him, Willow saw the anger, the frustration, the need to know etched on his face and she trembled. Everything was going to come out now, and it was quite possible that he would try to kill them all for the secrets that they had kept for so long. None of that mattered at the moment. Only keeping Spike alive was important to Willow, and not only because she wanted to live. She didn't want a world without him. She didn't want to lose the chance to make everything right with him. "Help me," she begged.

Surprise joined the emotions on Angel's face and he laughed harshly. "Why? I should let him die and get rid of my only real competition."

Willow shook her head. What he said was true, but it didn't matter to her. Desperately she tried to think of some reason to make him want to help her save Spike. She could tell him about the bond, but she didn't think it would matter to him. She wasn't even sure he could help, but her research into blood bonds had enlightened her as to the possible healing attributes in a sire's blood. But, Angel would never help her out of charity, even to save his own childe.

Finally, something came to her and she swallowed hard, then blinked away the tears. Looking back down at Spike, into his pain-filled eyes, she realized how very much she loved him. Taking a deep breath, she raised her eyes to Angel. "I'll give myself freely to you. You can turn me now or wait till I mature--I know it's what you're going to try to do in the future. Help me save Spike, and I'll let you turn me whenever you want, willingly." It was the next to last thing Willow wanted, but she definitely didn't want to die, even if it meant becoming a vampire. To save Spike and to preserve her sanity, she'd do anything.

And, too many of her recent dreams had shown her as a vampire...

Intrigue replaced the anger on Angel's face as Spike feebly tried to growl and Buffy began to protest. 

End Chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike's been shot and is dying. Only one thing can possibly save him. Will Willow make the ultimate sacrifice?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally published on May 9, 1999 and rated R. Willow's sacrifice...how that will play out in the future. Such a small thing that becomes so huge. And I didn't plan it at all!
> 
> An oddity: these chapters aren't ending at scene breaks. For example, there are five more sentences at the end of this scene that are the beginning of chapter 3. Also, a bit of amusement: this was written so long ago it was uncommon for teenagers to have cell phones and pay phones still existed.

"No," Buffy protested. "We'll find another way to save him."

Spike's protest was similar, but his voice was incredibly weak. "No...luv...no."

Tears leaked down Willow's cheeks as she looked down into the pain in his grey eyes. A film was forming over them. "I don't want to die, Spike," she sobbed softly. Gently she lifted his head onto her lap, keeping her wadded shirt pressed tightly to his back. She could feel the blood seeping through the cotton and pooling against her hand.

Angel took a step towards them and Buffy moved swiftly to block him. He gave her a cool look. "Yes?"

"I can't let you have her," Buffy said, swallowing her fear.

Amusement filled his eyes and he crossed his arms over his chest. "You gonna stake me, Slayer?"

Buffy flushed and clenched her hands into fists. "You can't have her," she reiterated. "Take me instead."

"Buffy, no," Willow cried.

"I already have you, lover. I could change you any night. I don't want you as a vampire," Angel replied in a low, deadly voice. "I want the redhead. I always have. She'll never be as subservient as you would be. And, now I know why. Now I know the catalyst behind the changes in her. I should have known no human male could give her such strength and confidence."

A strangled cough came from Spike and Willow moaned at the sight of thick blood spilling from between his pale, pinched lips. His eyes fell shut again and Willow cried harder. "Angelus, please, please help him. I'll do anything."

Angel tried to move forward, only to have Buffy impede his path. He growled deep in his throat. "Get out of my way, Buffy."

"Don't do this to her, please," she begged, wringing her hands together. "Please don't take her from me. Help Spike because he's your childe and it's the right thing to do."

"Buffy, Buffy, Buffy, I kill my children all the time. It's one of the prerogatives of having the little whelps," he replied lightly. "No, Willow offered herself...and I'm taking her up on the offer." At lightening speed, he grabbed Buffy's arm and sent her flying down the path behind him.

As Angel knelt beside Willow, she looked up at him, a strange combination of fear and hope on her face. "Are you sure about this, Willow? Is he really worth it?" He looked down at his unconscious childe.

"Yes," she whispered, her voice shaky. "Please give him your blood. I'll do whatever you want."

Angel caught her chin in his hand, forcing her to look at him. "He doesn't want you to do this." Silently Buffy dropped to her knees beside him, surrendering, tears slowly tracing paths down her pale cheeks.

"He...hasn't thought it through. Will you...will you let me...be with him?" Fresh tears filled her eyes. "I mean, you share Drusilla with him."

"That will depend on you, little girl. You might not want him anymore." Lowering his head, Angel brushed his lips across her cold, trembling ones, then reached for Spike, pulling him across his knees. Glancing back at Willow, he saw the tears spilling down her already streaked cheeks. "You promise to let me turn you whenever I choose? No fighting, no tricks?"

Horror at what she was doing filled her and she paled even further, then nodded. "I promise. Whenever you want." She stumbled over the words, but continued. "No fighting, no tricks, I promise. Please, please, help him now."

Seemingly satisfied with her promise, Angel morphed and bit his wrist, opening the vein, then pressed the wound over Spike's mouth.

Willow moved so she could help support her lover, one hand bunching her bloody shirt into a bigger pad for his back, the other rubbing his throat gently. "Drink, William, please," she whispered in his ear. "I love you."

Spike's lips fluttered and opened, his throat convulsing as he swallowed the rich blood flowing from his sire. Gradually Willow noticed that his blood was no longer gushing from the wounds in his back. Reaching carefully for the front of his t-shirt, she saw through one of the holes that the wound was closed. Glancing up, she saw Angelus's golden eyes watching her like a hawk. She shivered.

"What about the bullets still inside his heart?"

Angel shrugged. "If this even works," and his voice implied that he didn't believe it would, "the bullets left behind will always weaken him. He will never fully recover." Her gasp of horror made him continue. "Oh, he'll still be as strong as a minion...but he'll never be a master vampire again."

"But...he'll be alive."

"If this works."

Carefully lifting the makeshift pad from his back, Willow peered at the slowly closing wounds. Only a little blood was seeping from them. "He's healing."

"Superficially. Foreign objects left behind in the body always cause minor problems. Sometimes pain and discomfort, but generally just a weakness. The heart is different."

"Maybe we should have tried to remove the bullets."

Angel shook his head, wincing slightly as Spike's mouth clamped down on the wound in his wrist. "Too dangerous. We could have ended up destroying the heart. He'll just have to live with those three bullets," he finished with a total lack of humor in his grim voice.

Spike's hand rose and clamped into Angel's shirt and his face morphed for just a moment, then faded back to human.

"Spike?" Willow asked. "Wake up, please."

With a low growl, Angel pulled his wrist free from Spike's mouth, ignoring his childe's unconscious attempts to bring the source of blood back to his mouth. "Enough. I can't give him any more, not tonight."

Looking at him, Willow saw how unnaturally pale Angel had become. She wondered how much Spike had drank. He had certainly lost at least two pints, probably more, from the wounds.

Angel lay Spike back down on the dirt path. He was unmoving again, still pale and almost fragile looking.

"Was it enough?" Willow whispered hoarsely.

Shrugging, Angel answered, "I don't know. He took a couple pints. He could probably use some good human blood, too." He gave her a calculated look. "Do you feed him, Willow?"

She blushed and Buffy spoke up quickly. "He can have some of mine. Slayer blood, more potent than human..." Angel's very possessive growl interrupted her. "Or maybe not..."

"Not on your life, lover. No one drinks your blood."

"Buffy, do you have a knife?"

"No, sorry, and no, you're not feeding him. We'll go get some bottled blood somewhere."

"He needs it now," Willow protested. Laying down next to Spike, she curled against him and placed her wrist over his mouth. "Bite...please...Spike, bite me," she murmured.

Angel took her wrist and slashed through the skin with one of his claws. She winced, then lowered the bleeding wound to his mouth, wondering analytically if he didn't bite...would it count as a bite? Would she...? Blushing, Willow felt his lips part and his tongue lap the wound.

Heat flooded her and she buried her face in his shoulder. As Spike latched onto her wrist and sucked in her blood, a powerful orgasm ripped through her. Her body convulsed and she moaned deeply as she pressed her suddenly wet cleft against his hip, her denim clad leg wrapping across him.

"What the fuck?" Angel asked, totally baffled. He sniffed the air, his eyes never leaving the shaking girl. "She's fucking bonded to him," he yelled at Buffy. She flinched and stared at her lap, as Angel's eyes narrowed. "No wonder she didn't want him to die. You don't want to go insane, do you, little girl."

Lifting her head, her face flushed from embarrassment and need, Willow managed to give him a cool look. "I'm not a little girl."

Angel grinned and jumped to his feet. "He's a lucky bastard. All he has to do is bite you to make you come. Saves a lot of work." He grinned even more at the strangled sound coming from the blonde kneeling at his feet.

Looking away from him, Willow watched Spike's eyes flutter open. As his brow furrowed, he moved enough to dislodge her wrist. "Willow?" he asked, his voice weak and strangled. "What...have you...done."

"Shhhh, you're going to be okay. She raised herself to her knees, gently brushing the stray curls from his forehead.

"I'll take him back to the mansion. I'm sure Dru will love playing nursemaid," Angel offered, leering down at them.

"NO," Willow said loudly, then moderated her tone. "I...don't trust you."

Angel crouched next to her again, grinning widely. "I don't think your parents will quite understand you nursing a man in your not so virginal bed."

Glaring at him, Willow silently ran through all the possibilities. "Cordy's parents are gone for two weeks. We can take him to the guest house." A look of satisfaction crossed her face. "Where you have no invitation."

"Don't think to keep yourself from me, little girl," Angel growled, stressing the last two words.

"I'm keeping HIM from you. Buffy, can you go call Cordy and ask her to bring her car?"

"Sure." Glad to be of help, Buffy bounded to her feet and took off for the nearest pay phone.

Angel watched her cross the street outside the park, then looked back down into Willow's defiant eyes. A slow grin crossed his face. "Oh...you will make one wonderful vampire." Catching her chin again, he kissed her hard on the mouth, driving his tongue between her lips, stamping his mark of possession on her. With a flick of his fingers, he set her free, then jogged after Buffy.

Panting for breath, Willow looked down into Spike's cold, hard eyes. 

End Chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ramifications begin to settle in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally published on May 31, 1999, apparently I wasn't pleased with this chapter because the end notes read simply: I know...it sucked.
> 
> Have no clue.
> 
> This one does end on a scene break.

Willow's eyes slid away from Spike's and she busied herself trying to make him comfortable. Finally he grabbed her wrist, preventing her from brushing his brow one more time.

"What...did you do...Willow?" His voice was so weak that Willow almost burst into tears.

"We can talk about it later, Spike. You need to rest and heal. We'll get you some more blood and..."

His fingers tightened and she winced. "What did you do?" he demanded through clenched teeth.

Tears spilled from Willow's eyes as reaction set in. "Oh God..."

*****

Buffy hung up the phone and turned slowly, fully aware that Angel was standing behind her. She couldn't meet his eyes.

"Shall we get back to our 'date'?" he asked lightly.

Swallowing hard, Buffy stepped around him, intending to reenter the park. Angel caught her shoulder, dragging her against him.

"There's nothing you can do for them, lover."

"I...She and Cordy can't get him into the car or into the guesthouse alone." Her hands pushed unsuccessfully against his chest.

"Tough shit."

Her head whipped up and she glared at the indifference on his face. "Don't worry," she snapped snidely. "As soon as I get him there, I'll let you fuck me like the whore I am."

Buffy's words seemed to surprise him and Angel let her go. She stumbled backwards a few steps, still glaring defiantly.

"You think you're a whore?" Angel asked, his voice even and controlled.

"Isn't it obvious?" Tears sprang into her eyes and she batted them away. "I just let my best friend in the entire world give herself to you and I didn't even try to stop her."

"You couldn't have stopped her. I wouldn't have let you."

"And just what would you have done, Angel?" Buffy yelled. "Killed me?"

Anger crossed his face and his eyes narrowed. "I don't want you dead anymore than I want you a vampire, but you're no match for me, lover. You've tried to fight me before and you've never won."

"Neither have you."

"Because winning means your death, Buff," he replied silkily. "If you had fought me, tried to stop me from accepting Willow's offer, all I would have had to do was knock you out. I can do that very easily."

Buffy's fist caught him across the jaw sending him reeling. "You son of a bitch. You fucking cock sucker," she screamed as her foot flew up into his genitals. As Angel dropped to his knees, groaning, she kicked him in the head, sending him onto his back.

Driven by a guilt so powerful to make her nearly sick to her stomach, Buffy ran into the park.

"Bitch," Angel groaned, rolling on the ground, cupping his wounded parts.

Buffy found Willow and Spike staring at each other, both with extremely determined looks on their faces. She dropped down next to them and composed herself. "Cordy's on the way."

"Good." Willow glanced past Buffy towards the street. "Where's...Angel?"

"Don't care," Buffy mumbled, wrapping her arms around herself as her actions and possible repercussions sank into her brain. "How are you feeling, Spike?"

"Like I have...a bunch of fucking bullets...in me," he grunted, pain making him flinch from Willow's soothing fingers.

"Yeah, well...you're going to get better."

Spike's eyes flickered to Buffy. "Why did you let her do this?" he asked slowly, forcing the words out.

Fresh guilt suffused the slayer and tears trickled from her eyes as a jumble of emotions overwhelmed her. "Oh God," she sobbed. "I'll save you, Willow, somehow."

Still numb inside, Willow slid her arm around her best friend's shaking shoulders. "It's okay, Buffy. I...made my decision and I can live with it." The irony of her words hit her and a harsh half sob, half laugh broke from her. "Or not."

"I'll kill him first," Spike muttered, then groaned as a fresh wave of pain hit. His eyes fell shut and Willow drew in a shuddering breath, her fingers gently brushing over his still face.

"It's worth it," she whispered, her heart pounding as the implications of what she had done began to set in.

The screeching of a car's tires jerked both girls from their thoughts. Cordelia's voice came from the street, calling Buffy's name. Buffy yelled back, then reached for Spike, easily lifting him into her arms. Willow scrambled after her as Buffy headed for the car.

Cordelia had the passenger side open and together the three girls maneuvered the again unconscious vampire into the seat. Willow climbed into the back and Buffy followed her, after quickly glancing around.

There was no sign of Angel.

On the trip to the Chase estate, Willow filled Cordelia in on all the details, afraid that if she stopped to actually think about the deal, she'd burst into fresh tears. Cordelia was sympathetic and angry at the same time.

"Are you insane?"

Willow didn't answer.

The guesthouse was very comfortable and secluded in a grove of trees behind the main house. All three girls worked in silence to remove Spike's clothes, wash off the dried blood and tuck him into bed. Once he was settled, they moved into the sitting room, tired and worried.

"He might still die?" Cordelia asked hesitantly.

Buffy nodded. "Angel...wasn't convinced his blood would work."

"It has to work," Willow whispered, staring at her lap as her hands clenched into fists.

"'Cause if he dies, you'll go insane," Cordelia said.

"Nice and tactful, Cordy," Buffy snapped.

The cheerleader glared back. "We have to face the truth."

Willow interrupted Buffy's protest. "She's right. I have to face...the truth." She looked at her friends with empty eyes. "I just made a deal with the devil to save a man who may not even love me anymore."

"Oh Will, of course he loves you." Cordelia slipped her arm around the redhead's shaking shoulders. "And we'll find a way out of this deal."

"I'll...kill him first," Buffy said, her voice low and trembling. "I...can't let him...I've let him do too much already. Too much to all of us. I've been...so weak." Sobbing, she buried her face in her hands. "I'm such a failure."

Willow instinctively moved to comfort her friend and Buffy jerked away, jumping to her feet. "Oh God, Will, don't. Don't try to make me feel better." Gulping, she wiped the tears from her eyes, her chest heaving with sobs of anger and fear. "I don't deserve it. Here I am feeling sorry for myself and you're the one who..." Spinning, she fled through the front door.

Cordelia took Willow's arm, preventing her from following. "Let her go," she said softly. "Buffy seems to be facing her own actions, finally."

Willow stared at the open door, then slumped against the cushions of the couch. "She blames herself."

"She let Angel live all these months because she loves him. She loves a monster."

"So do I," Willow answered, a hint of bitterness in her voice.

"You know perfectly well that Spike is no where near as bad or as dangerous to the world as Angelus."

"If she kills him...it will destroy her."

"And what do you think your death will do?" Cordelia asked. "We'll find a way out of this, even if we have to keep Angel alive somehow. I'm not prepared to lose either of my best friends." She pulled Willow against her side, drawing her friend's head down onto her shoulder, petting her gently. "We'll make everything all right."

End Chapter 3


	4. Interlude:  Shot In The Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original Summary: Set right after Buffy leaves Spike at Cordy's in "Shot in the Dark", she goes to face Angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first of three interludes to "Shot In The Dark" which I'm incorporating into that story. Originally published on May 31, 1999, about six hours chapter 3, it's all Buffy/Angel(us) (except when Dru makes an appearance) and there are some interesting twists as their relationship continues to deepen.
> 
> Original Notes: To all those who commented on Buffy's kicking Angel in the family jewels in part 3, beware the rollercoaster ride ahead .

Her mind awhirl, Buffy climbed in her window, fully expecting to find Angel. Her room was empty. Her heart pounded in fear and she ran down the hall to her mother's room. Carefully opening the door, she sighed in relief at hearing a soft snore. Returning to her room, she spied a note on her pillow. With a shaking hand, she picked it up and read it.

'My place.'

Dropping the note, Buffy turned to face the mirror, then picked up her hairbrush and pulled it through her hair, trying not to think about the consequences of her earlier actions. Setting the brush down, she spritzed some vanilla cologne on her wrists and neck, then turned back to the window.

As she climbed back down the roof, she wondered if she'd ever see this place again.

*****

The mansion seemed deserted. It was about ten o'clock at night and Buffy assumed all the vampires were out hunting or doing whatever else vampires did. Silently she climbed the stairs and walked down the hall to Angel's suite. Opening the door and stepping inside, she found him sitting on a settee, sipping from a goblet.

Angel gave her a hard look, then jerked his head towards the other room. Taking a deep breath, Buffy walked past him into the bedroom. Mechanically she undressed, setting each item of clothing neatly on a wooden chair. Naked, she glanced over her shoulder and saw Angel still facing away from her, drinking.

Walking to the bed, Buffy lay down on her back, trying to relax, trying not to think about what her punishment might be.

*****

Angel left her there for nearly thirty minutes. When he entered the bedroom, he found her trying not to fidget, her breathing ragged, perspiration dotting her forehead.

"So, how should I punish you?" he asked casually, his fingers working the buttons on his shirt. She remained mute, her eyes huge in her pale face. "Should I chain you to the posts of the bed and whip the skin from your back? Or maybe turn you over my knee and spank you like a spoiled brat? Or maybe take a switch to your tits and your cunt? Hm?"

Buffy swallowed hard and shook her head slightly.

Tugging his shirt from his shoulders, Angel glared at her, growling softly. "There you lay like a fucking martyr, waiting for me to punish you for kicking me in the balls. Do you really want me beating the shit out of you?"

"No," she replied in a strangled voice.

"Then don't act like you want it. I will do it if you give me no other choice. I'll take that whip over there..." Buffy's eyes followed the direction his finger was pointing and she gasped at the sight of a thick whip laying curled on the dresser. "...and lash your back open, then fuck you in the ass until we're both covered in your blood. And I'll get off on it, but I doubt you will," he said harshly.

"I...don't want that." Slowly she pulled herself into a sitting position.

"So, what DO you want, Buffy?" Angel crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against one of the bedposts at the foot of the bed.

"I don't want you to hurt me."

"That doesn't answer my question," he snapped.

Swallowing hard, Buffy slid from the bed and walked over to him. "I want to make love with you." Tears filled her eyes and she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his chest, over his heart. "I...hate you."

Angel's arms slid around her back, his hands caressing her gently. "Keep hating me, love," he answered, his voice husky with need. "I adore your hate. It makes you hot and hungry." Lifting her off her feet, he lay on her on the bed, following her down. As his hands slid over her flushed skin, his mouth caught hers in a deep kiss.

Buffy responded helplessly, hating herself, hating him, needing him so desperately. As their tongues dueled and their lips twisted together, her fingernails scraped down his back, making him groan into her mouth.

Settling between her open legs, Angel undulated his leather- clad erection against her wet cleft, eliciting whimpers of pleasure from her. Her nipples hardened, rubbing against his smooth, muscular chest, and her knees bent, opening her body wider for him.

All thought, all guilt, all pain fled and she reveled in the lust he aroused in her so easily.

Pulling back from her, Angel quickly unfastened his pants and eased them over his erection. Buffy gasped at the deep bruising that had yet to heal. Sitting up, she turned on her knees and urged him onto his back. Lowering her head, she placed a gentle kiss on the ugliest bruise, making him hiss through clenched teeth.

Carefully, she lapped at his cold flesh with her hot tongue, teasing him and causing him to arch his back. Opening her mouth, she slid it over the weeping tip, sucking gently yet firmly. Her hands tugged the pants farther down, then slid under his ass, raising him slightly so she could kneed his taut buttocks as her head began to bob.

Grunting, Angel reached for her, tugging her up his body. "Don't want to come in your mouth."

"Does it hurt?" she whispered against his mouth, peppering his face with hot kisses, suddenly feeling incredibly guilty again.

"It'll hurt worse if I don't fuck you in the next thirty seconds."

Straddling his body, Buffy rose to her knees, splaying her hands on his chest for support. She watched as he used one hand to guide his cock to her hot entrance, then sank down slowly, engulfing him in her wet inferno.

Closing her eyes as lust tightened in her womb, Buffy began to ride him, gently, her inner muscles fluttering around his cock. Angel's hands cupped her ass, squeezing her soft flesh, helping her rise and fall on him.

As she leaned forward, angling so that her clit rubbed against the hairy base of his cock, Angel lifted his head and captured one pert nipple between his teeth, worrying it until she moaned and bounced harder.

Feeling his body tense beneath her, Buffy squeezed her vaginal muscles tight, driving his cock to the edge of her womb. Pumping his hips, his hands slamming her down on him, Angel growled and came, filling her in hard thrusts.

As he began to deflate inside her, Buffy moved off of him, curling next to his cool body.

Angel turned on his side and looked down at her red face, her heaving breasts. "You didn't come." Her eyes slid away from him. "What?" he asked sarcastically. "You don't think you deserve to come?"

Reaching down his body, Buffy encircled his half-hard cock with her hand and pumped it gently.

"Stop it," Angel growled. "Answer my fucking question." He groaned as he became erect again.

"Just fuck me," she whispered, her voice emotionless.

Infuriated by the sudden change in her attitude, Angel flung her onto her back and climbed between her sprawled legs. Lifting her ass, he impaled her on his cock, thrusting brutally into her. "Is this what you want, Buffy? Is this what you think you deserve?" He pounded into her several more times, watching her eyes close, her lips press together. "Or since you can't seem to look at me, maybe I'll just fuck you like an animal, huh?" Pulling his cock out of her, he turned her onto her stomach. "Get your ass up, bitch, NOW."

Obediently, Buffy moved to her hands and knees, her head down, her hair dragging the pillows. Angel's hands forced her legs wider apart, then his cock filled her again. He pounded hard, slamming his pelvis against her ass, driving his cock into her tight passage. He knew he had to be hurting her, but she didn't make a sound.

With a loud cry of angry satisfaction, Angel came, slamming his cock into her until it grew limp. Pulling out of her, he rolled her onto her back, glowering down at her and asking harshly, "What the fuck is your problem?"

Buffy's eyes remained closed, but little breathy sobs were issuing from between her lips. "Can I go home now?" she asked finally, her voice soft and thready.

"No. I don't like you like this, Buffy. I don't fucking want you like this."

"Then maybe Willow will be more to your liking." Buffy rolled onto her side, facing away from him.

Angel stared at her back. "This is about Willow?" His voice was somewhat less harsh.

Buffy felt her heart constrict as her failure reared its ugly head inside her. Pressing her fists against her closed eyes, she tried to breathe normally. "I AM a whore," she finally said, her voice sad and low. "I let you steal my best friend out from under me, let her bargain with her life. I come to you and let you fuck me without love or even caring. I don't love you. You don't love me. It's...not how it's supposed to be. We fuck like animals...and I enjoy it. It's wrong. It's wrong of me to enjoy it, to want it, to look forward to it. It's wrong that fucking you, the orgasms you give me, fill the empty space inside me."

Tears began to leak from her sore eyes and she sniffed before continuing. "I've betrayed everything, my calling, my race, my friends, my watcher. I let a monster fuck me. I wake up most mornings with cold cum leaking out of me. I go to school covered in bruises from hard fucking a vampire. I let you live to kill then come to me and kiss me, your mouth tasting of human blood."

"I don't deserve to be a Slayer," she finished in a whisper.

Angel stared down at her trembling body, at a loss for words. He could see from the slump of her shoulders, could hear in the empty tone of her voice, that she was heading back down to the depression from which she finally had seemed to have recovered.

He couldn't let that happen. He didn't like her like that. He wanted her feisty and mouthy...and hot and horny for him.

"Can I go home, please?" she asked again, tears evident in her voice.

Suddenly Angel was terrified of what she might do if he let her go. Reaching into the night stand drawer, he dragged out a pair of handcuffs and quickly straddled her, chaining one wrist to the heavy cast-iron headboard. "No." Swallowing hard, he looked down into her sad eyes.

"Okay." Those eyes closed again and her hand lay limp in the cuff. She wasn't even trying to free herself.

Panicking, Angel rose from the bed, yanking his pants back up and refastening them. Running one shaky hand through his hair, he left the bedroom.

Drusilla perched on the edge of the settee, her back to him.

"Fuck," he hissed, as his world spun out of control.

"Your Slayer needs you to love her," Drusilla said softly, not looking at him. "She will go mad soon, mad like me."

"Dru..."

"She's all hurting inside, all empty and sad. Empty, her heart is dead and empty."

Carefully Angel knelt in front of her and met her wild gaze. "How long have you known, Dru?"

She shrugged, her lips pressed tightly together. "No one wants me. No one loves me."

"That's not true." Gently he stroked her hair, brushing a few loose strands back from her pale face.

"You love the Slayer. You won't admit it, but you do. I want to kill her," she said simply. "But, that wouldn't make you love me again." Tears filled her huge eyes and she collapsed into Angel's arms. "I don't want you to love the nasty Slayer. It's wrong, very, very wrong."

"I don't love her, Dru," Angel replied, his voice strangled by emotion, as his hands caressed her trembling back.

"You do. I can see it. Not like the old you did, but it's still love. It's what she needs. Why does she get it? Why?" she demanded, angrily.

"I don't know," Angel finally admitted. "I don't want to care for her. I never planned to care for her. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me." Growling in frustration, Angel tried to tamp down all the unwanted emotions that were suddenly assailing him, but he was fighting a losing battle.

"And Spike loves the little redhead. I've lost you both," Drusilla wailed.

Spike. Fuck. Cursing under his breath, Angel pulled back from Drusilla, trying to calm her down with gentle strokes of his hands. "Dru, listen to me, sweetheart." She sniffled a few times and blinked her tears away, slowly quieting. "Spike's been...hurt...badly. I gave him some of my blood, but..."

"Where is he?" she asked forcefully, her whole demeanor changing.

"Do you know where the Chase girl lives? Cordelia?" Drusilla nodded. "They took him to the guesthouse. You knew about Willow," he realized.

As she jumped to her feet, Drusilla nodded. "He loves us both. I must go to him." She was out the door before he could stop her. Shaking his head at her sudden strength and will, Angel turned slowly back to the bedroom, his thoughts returning to the girl chained to his bed.

He didn't love her. He...couldn't love her. She was a thing, a toy, a convenience, a great fuck, but nothing more. Nice to look at, great to fight with, with the stamina nearly to match his.

But, not someone a demon like him could have feelings for. Angelus had never loved anyone, never truly cared for anyone, human or demon. It wasn't in his nature.

Shaking his head angrily, Angel reached for the bottle of blood he had been drinking from before her arrival and drained it. Taking a deep, unnecessary breath, he walked back into the bedroom and around the bed to face Buffy.

Her eyes flickered open and glowed luminescently in the dimly lit room. Crouching down next to her, Angel tried to glare, but she was too pathetic looking for him to muster any anger towards. His fingers brushed her hair back, then traced the path of her tears.

"What the Hell are we going to do, Buffy?" His softly asked question seemed to echo through the room.

"I'm going to kill you or you're going to kill me. It's the only thing TO do," she replied dully.

"You're wrong. Neither of those are an option."

As Buffy sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, Angel sat down next to her, reaching for a loose blanket to wrap around her trembling body.

"Do you still love Angel?" She nodded. "When you look at me, do you see anything of him, past the physical appearance?"

"What? You...hate Angel. Why would you ask me this?"

"Do you?" he persisted.

"...Sometimes. Like the night that you gave me the bath and the massage. Like two nights ago when you told me that story of Diedre of the Sorrows, before we fell asleep. Like...last week when I saw you in the Bronze, watching me dance. I...thought I saw more than just lust in your eyes." Her free hand fiddled with the blanket in her lap. "Sometimes when you're sleeping, I wake up and look at you and think that you're him. Your face is relaxed, with a hint of a smile...and I remember how he used to give me that smile when he was happy."

Angel took her free hand between his, gently rubbing her cold fingers. "I don't want to be Angel. All that brooding and lurking and suffering, that's not for me."

"I know a vampire can be gentle, can be tender, can be loving. I've seen it. I've seen Spike with Willow. He loves her. When he touches her, it's so obvious."

"He always was closer to humanity than most of us."

"You could be like him."

Angel snorted, but his mind considered the possibility. "Could you love me, if I was like him?"

"I don't know," Buffy answered honestly. "But...it would be a start. I didn't think you wanted me to love you. Do you?" she asked hesitantly.

"Fuck if I know," he sighed. "I just...know that I don't want what just happened in this bed to ever happen again. I didn't like it. I want you...to find pleasure here, to be happy." Angel scowled at his own words, totally confused.

Buffy stared up at him, stunned. "I don't understand you at all."

"Join the fucking club."

Watching the emotions flicker through his dark eyes, Buffy felt some of her depression lift, her anger and self hatred begin to fade. "We are both really fucked up, aren't we?" she asked, a hint of a smile crossing her face.

"Then, I guess we're made for each other." Leaning across her, Angel unchained her wrist, then gently rubbed the soft skin. "I...don't want you doing something stupid, Buffy."

"Stupid?" She gave him a puzzled look.

"Like killing yourself," he growled, his fingers tightening possessively.

"I would never do that." Their eyes met and held. "No matter what you do to me, no matter what I let myself do, I won't do that. Do you want to know why?" He nodded and Buffy moved to straddle his lap, wrapping her legs around his waist. "I'm the only Slayer that has a hope in Hell of surviving Angelus." Hesitantly she looked at him, hoping that he wouldn't take her statement the wrong way.

"You think you can control me?" he growled, but smiled slightly.

Suddenly feeling her spirits lift, Buffy ground her pelvis against him. "Oh, yeah, big boy." He toppled them backwards, his hands roaming over her naked body as she covered his mouth with hers.

"Will you let me make love to you, Buffy?" he murmured against her lips.

"Yes," she hissed, rubbing her wet cleft against his suddenly rock hard cock. Her fingers fumbled over the button and zipper, but finally managed to free his erection. Rolling onto her back, she pulled him with her. Angel kicked off his pants and slid between her legs. His mouth ran down her neck, then captured one nipple, sucking hungrily.

Buffy moaned and undulated beneath him, as her desire spiraled out of control. Her fingers dug into his shoulders as her legs wrapped around his hips. "Please..."

Rubbing his cock along her pussy, Angel slipped it inside and saw a wince of pain cross her face. "Baby, I'm sorry," he whispered in her ear before kissing her tenderly.

"'s okay," she mumbled, tightening her legs to draw him deeper. Her passage was sore, but her need was overwhelming. Gritting her teeth, she rocked against him, impaling herself on his cock, rubbing her swollen clit against his pubic bone in desperation.

Propping himself on one hand, Angel slid the other between their bodies. As he thrust shallowly, he found her clit and flicked it between two fingers, making her cry his name. Her face flushed deeply and her back arched, as he pressed the nubbin, pinching and twisting it. He felt her climax approaching as her inner muscles clamped around his cock.

"Come baby, come for me..." he whispered as he thrust deeper into her quaking channel. With a loud cry of pleasure, Buffy came, her body shaking beneath him, her breathing quickening to harsh pants. "Yes, that's right, love...you're so fucking beautiful when you come," he murmured in awe. As she collapsed beneath him, Angel pulled out of her, wincing as she hissed in pain. "Damn, I'm sorry, baby. I...didn't mean to hurt you."

Slowly Buffy's eyes fluttered open and she frowned slightly. "Did you just apologize?"

Angel scowled and flopped onto his back, lying, "No."

"And...you didn't come. Don't think you deserve an orgasm?" she teased lightly.

He scowled even more and finally admitted. "I was hurting you."

"This has been one insane night," Buffy mused as she rose to her knees. Her fingers danced down the side of this throbbing cock, causing him to thrust hard into the air and hiss her name. Wrapping her fingers around the hard flesh, she pumped at a rapid pace, watching the swollen tip disappear each time her hand rose up the length.

Angel grunted and thrust into her hand, his fingers digging into the bedding. "Shit," he hissed between his teeth. "Harder, baby." Her hand squeezed tighter and her other hand slid between his legs to fondle his heavy balls. He arched hard, making the bed bounce, and his face twisted with lust. "I'm coming," he growled as his cock jerked in her hand, spilling his cold semen over her fingers.

As he relaxed, Buffy raised her hand to her mouth and licked herself clean, then curled up beside him. Angel's arm slid around her shoulders, pulling her closer and she pillowed her head on his chest.

Eyes closing as exhaustion swept over her, Buffy felt him pull the blanket over them both and sank into his cool embrace, not wanting to think anymore. There were too many questions, too many problems, and she just couldn't face them.

Hopefully, tomorrow she would find the strength necessary to do so.

Angel's lips moved over her forehead and she smiled sleepily. "Goodnight, love," he whispered.

Her heart skipped a beat and her smile grew, as silence fell.

End Interlude


	5. Interlude: Blindshot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during the first night, Cordelia tells Xander everything that's happened so far and they make love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally published on June 2, 1999 as the second interlude in the story, it's all Cordy and Xander after Cordy leaves Willow and Spike at her guest house. In it, Cordy wants a threesome with another guy. The original endnotes were: Yes, there will be more eventually and the threesome will happen and I know who the mythical guy is.
> 
> Except, it didn't. *g* I think it was Devon...maybe.

As Cordelia fell silent, Xander sat on her bed staring at her, stunned. Spike had been shot? Willow had made some horrible deal with Angelus? Buffy hadn't been able to prevent it?

What the Hell was the world coming to?

"So, it's been a busy night," Cordelia said, reaching down to unbuckle her shoes and massage her sore feet.

"Understatement of the decade," Xander mumbled. "Do you think he's going to make it?"

Cordelia's brows went up. "I'm surprised you care."

"If he dies, so does Willow," he reminded her, frowning in concern.

"Yeah, I know," she replied softly, echoing his concern. Rising from her vanity seat, she walked over to the bed and sank down onto Xander's lap. "I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you."

"Never going to happen," he promised, his voice deepening from the intensity of the love he felt for her.

Wrapping her arms around Xander's neck, Cordelia kissed him tenderly. Her lips brushed lightly over his cheek, tasting the remainder of his aftershave, then down his neck. She smiled as his heart began to race, the vein beneath her lips thudding heavily.

Xander's hands slid down her back, caressing her through the thin linen dress she wore. "Cordy?"

"Everyone's life is going down the tubes. I don't want that to happen to us." Lifting her head, she met his eyes, nearly drowning in their dark brown depths. He smiled at her, then covered her mouth with his.

Settling her hands on his shoulders, Cordelia pressed him down onto his back, then moved to straddle him, never once breaking the connection between their hungry mouths. Xander's hands slid down her legs, then up under her dress to clasp her hips. Together they rubbed her damp mound against his straining erection.

As their mutual desire grew, their hands began to move faster, tugging at each others clothing. Cordy's dress was yanked over her head, leaving her in a matching set of red lace bra and panties. Xander's breath caught in his throat at the sight of her as she sat on his stomach and tugged his t-shirt over his head.

Sliding down his legs, she ran kisses down his chest, and her fingers found the button on the front of his khakis. Opening it, then dragging the zipper down, she continued backing, pulling the pants down his legs, her mouth never breaking contact with his trembling flesh.

"Cor..." he groaned as her mouth ran along the waistband of his R2D2 boxers. He kicked off his sneakers and she tossed his pants over her shoulder. Slipping one knee between his legs, she rubbed her silk covered crotch against his thigh, moaning as sparks of pleasure shot through her.

Moving her mouth lower, she ran her tongue over his cotton covered cock, making it tent the boxers even farther. Xander yelped and dug his fingers into the bedding as his hips arched to her hot mouth. Smiling at his reaction, she teased him with her tongue, thoroughly wetting the cotton, as her fingers danced along the waistband.

"Baby...oh fuck..." he panted brokenly. "I'm going to come in my pants if you don't stop."

"Can't have that," she answered with a lusty grin. Rising to her knees, Cordelia unhooked her bra, peeling it away from her heavy breasts. Her nipples were rock hard and aching for his touch. As she moved back up Xander's body, she felt his hands on her bottom, tugging at her panties. They slid to her knees and she wriggled her way out of them, nearly making his eyes cross as she pressed against his erection.

Settling her wet pussy on his stomach, Cordelia leaned down and Xander raised his head, catching one of her nipples between his lips. He sucked hard, not wanting to play. As she was already incredibly aroused, she didn't argue about it, just moaned and dug her fingers into his shoulders, kneading his hard flesh.

His teeth nipped and she arched, rubbing her throbbing clit against the hard planes of his stomach. Xander moved to her other breast, worrying the nipple with his teeth, lapping it with his tongue. His hands caressed her bottom, rocking her against him. The scent of her arousal filled the air and he breathed in deeply, his cock jerking painfully.

Panting harshly, he pulled his mouth free and pushed her down his body. Her fingers caught the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down, carefully freeing his engorged cock.

Suddenly, Xander flipped Cordelia off of him, rolling with her and settling between her sprawled legs, as he kicked free of his boxers. Leaning down, he kissed her gently, then buried his mouth in her throat as he thrust into her.

Cordelia clutched his shoulders, her legs raising and wrapping around his hips as he began to pump steadily. Moving with him, she arched her head into the pillows, breathing shallowly as he ran kisses over her throat. His chest brushed her sensitive nipples and she keened softly in pleasure as she pulled him closer.

Feeling her climax approaching, Cordelia dug her heels into his ass, forcing him to thrust faster and drive his cock against her swollen clit. Her vaginal muscles tightened around him and she arched hard, bowing her back off the bed. Crying his name, she shuddered into orgasm, her fingernails scoring his back, her breath coming in harsh gasps.

As she sank beneath him, a smile of satisfaction crossing her face, Xander rose to his knees, pressing her legs down against her chest. Thrusting hard and fast, he gave a guttural cry and exploded into her. Breathing hard, his whole body shaking, Xander collapsed next to Cordelia, rolling onto his back.

They lay there for a few minutes, slowly calming down, then turned into each others embrace. Pillowing her head on his shoulder, Cordelia idly caressed his lightly furred chest, as Xander ran his hand up and down her back, soothing her.

"That was incredible," he murmured when he could finally speak.

"Always is with you." She placed a soft kiss on his sweaty shoulder. "Stay the night?"

"Not like my parents would miss me," he snorted ruthfully. Silence fell for a few minutes, before he spoke again. "You know, I like this. I mean, I like making love like this. I love it when you do it to me, too," he added hastily. "I love you being dominant, but this is nice."

"I know what you mean, and I do, too," she agreed. "I like it all. Every way we have sex is great." Cordelia glanced up at his face and saw that he was flushing. "What?"

"Um...I really like it a lot when you...well, when you fuck me."

"You mean, when I'm on top?"

"No...when you use that fake cock," Xander finally admitted, embarrassed.

A slow grin formed on Cordelia's face. "I kind of noticed."

He reddened even farther and Cordelia giggled, kissing him hungrily, until embarrassment faded to lust.

As she straddled his waist, feeling his cock hardening again beneath her tingling cleft, she peppered his face with kisses until his hands squeezed her bottom and he arched against her. "Xan?"

"What?" he grunted, his eyes rolling back in his head as she undulated her wetness along his erection.

"Have you ever thought about having sex with a guy?"

Xander's eyes widened in surprised and his mouth fell open. "Huh?" Then he groaned again as her fingers twisted his nipples.

"Have you?"

He was panting now, trying to lift her hips and impale her on his cock. "Not gay."

Cordelia sighed, then moaned as she sank onto him. "Didn't say you were." She began a slow, rocking motion, rubbing her clit against the base of his cock, her inner muscles squeezing it.

"Shit!" Xander's hands tightened on her bottom, spreading the cheeks as she began to bounce.

"It's just, you like it in the ass," she panted, her own desire spiraling out of control as their bodies moved faster.

"Still...not...gay." His teeth clenched and her fingers pinched his nipples harder.

"Oh God," Cordelia cried, slamming down on him, smashing their pelvises together as she reached the peak. With a loud whimper of near pain, she ground against him, her body spasming in release.

Feeling her orgasm wash over her, Xander arched his hips, driving his cock as deeply as it would go, spilling his hot semen into her core.

Cordelia slid forward, her head falling onto the pillow next to his, her legs splaying out on either side of him. His cock was still inside her twitching passage and she squirmed in pleasure.

Xander groaned and lay there panting hoarsely.

As he slipped from inside her, Cordelia moved to his side, curling around him.

"I...have thought about doing it with a guy," he admitted out of the blue.

Cordelia's eyes flew open and she stared up at the chagrined look on his face.

"Especially since I found out about you and Will."

"Any guy in particular?" she asked softly.

"God no. I'm not gay. I've never checked any guy out in the locker room."

"I believe you," she soothed, petting his rapidly rising and falling chest.

"Cordy? Where's this all coming from?"

"I'd love to watch you with a guy, Xander. Just the thought really turns me on."

"Oh." He was silent for a minute. "Do you have a particular guy in mind?"

Cordelia felt a thrill go through her as she realized he was becoming more amenable to the idea. "Uh huh. I know he's done it with guys before and he'd be willing to do a threesome."

"Do you...do you want to do more than just watch?"

"I'll do whatever you want, baby." Cordelia rose to her knees and tugged him up into a sitting position, taking his hands. "Xander, I don't want you to do this for me. I want you to want it. And, if you want to be alone with the guy or have me just watch, or watch me fuck him, that's up to you. Or, if you want to just forget I mentioned it, that's okay, too."

"How long have you had this idea?" he asked suspiciously.

"Um...several weeks, since you seemed to enjoy it so much when I used the dildo on you," she admitted.

"I did like it...a lot. Is this the Hellmouth again?"

Grinning, Cordelia leaned forward and gave him a big kiss. "Probably. Do you mind?"

"Well...I do want to please my woman," he replied as his arms slid around her back. "Let me...think about it for a bit, okay?"

"Sure. I don't mean to pressure you..."

"You're not, honey," he reassured her, then shook his head, smiling ruthfully. "Damn, who would have thought that 1998 would be so fucking weird?"

"Hellmouth."

"Hellmouth," he agreed and tugged her closer for another kiss.

End Interlude 2


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike and Willow talk. Oh, and Giles shows up. Yep, that's pretty much it. Rated R.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally published on July 9, 1999, I obviously had stalled on this fic since it was five weeks since the second interlude. I did write several other things and, oh, I know what happened in June. I was looking to buy a house and the first deal fell through (and I wrote a fic about it!) and I got a contract on another one. I'm sure I was busy touring houses and starting to pack for the move in August.

Willow sat in a chair next to the bed, her elbows on the mattress, her chin propped up in her hands. Her eyes never left the still bleached blond. He didn't move. Nothing about him suggested life. The only way she knew he was still alive, so to speak, was that he wasn't dust.

Cordelia had left an hour before to go meet Xander. Willow had spent that last hour trying to build up the courage to make a phone call. The wounds on her wrist itched and she sighed, finally lifting herself up into a sitting position and reaching for the phone.

Punching the familiar numbers with a trembling finger, she gripped the receiver tightly, afraid she would drop it. The phone rang eight times before it was picked up.

"Yes?"

"G--Giles?"

"Willow?"

"I...I need your help."

Concern echoed in Giles' voice. "Are you alright? Are you injured?"

"No, no, I'm fine. We're all fine, I mean, all the Slayerettes and Buffy, too. It's..." She took a deep breath and forced herself to continue. "It's Spike."

The concern was replaced by a hard chill. "What about him?"

Willow nearly flinched and dropped the phone. She knew Giles blamed Spike for everything, but they didn't talk about it, even as they searched for a cure to the bond. "He's been hurt. Shot. In the heart. He's...I'm afraid he's dying."

There was silence on the other end for a moment and then Willow heard Giles swallow hard. "Willow, he needs blood."

"I know. I can't leave him and I don't really know where to get any. I've given him some of mine, but..."

"Where are you?"

"Cordelia's guesthouse."

"I'll be there within an hour. I have...contacts."

Willow breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

*****

She was pacing as the hour passed and the knock on the door startled her. Racing to it, she pulled it open. Giles stood there carrying a plastic grocery bag, which Willow took from him.

"Thank you."

"I brought enough for a couple days." His eyes flickered around the room. "Where is he?"

Nibbling on her lower lip in apprehension, Willow nodded towards the bedroom.

"Is he conscious?"

"Not right now. He hasn't been since we brought him here." She carried the bag into the kitchenette and began to unload the blood into the fridge.

"What happened, Willow?"

Closing the fridge door, Willow leaned back against it, tears burning her eyes as the memories assailed her. "We met in the park, by accident, and there was this mugger and he...shot Spike."

"You said he was shot in the heart. Is the bullet still in there?"

"There's more than one," she answered in a desolate voice. "He was shot six times and there are three still inside."

Startled, Giles blurted out the first thing on his mind. "I'm amazed he's still alive."

Willow paled, her shoulders slumping in despair. "Angelus... helped. He gave him some of his blood."

"A sire's blood," Giles murmured. "I'm rather surprised that he would bother."

"Um, yeah. He didn't think it would help, but..."

Giles tried to reassure her. "It might."

"I need to try to feed him. He lost a lot of blood and I could only give him so much of my own."

"Do you want me to stay?"

Slowly Willow shook her head. "No...I'd like to be alone with him. Thank you for bringing the blood and for...just being you." Pushing herself away from the fridge, she hugged him tightly.

Giles stiffened, flushed, then patted her back. "You're welcome."

*****

After Giles left, Willow heated a mug of blood in the microwave, then carried it into the bedroom. Spike lay in exactly the same position, not having moved an inch. Setting the mug on the bedside table, she sat back down in the chair. Carefully she touched his arm.

"Spike?"

There was no response. She nudged a little harder and still nothing. Dipping a finger into the blood, she carried it to his lips and wriggled it inside his mouth. After what seemed like an eternity, Willow felt his tongue caress her finger, then his mouth close around the digit. Jolts of electricity ran through her and she felt her panties grow moist.

Silently cursing herself for feeling desire at a moment like this, she pulled her finger free. Spike's lips smacked together and his eyes fluttered open.

Smiling in relief, Willow ran her hand down his cheek. "Hi."

His brows drew together and he gave her a puzzled look. Slowly, comprehension filled his eyes and he shifted slightly in the bed, then winced. "Shit."

"Does it hurt real bad?"

"Like little knives tearing me up inside," he gasped out.

"I have some blood here for you." Gently sitting on the bed next to him she lifted his head on her arm, then held the cup to his lips. He drank slowly, too weak to gulp down the revitalizing liquid. As he drank, she murmured to him, reassuring words. As he drank, he remembered her sacrifice.

Pushing the mug away by turning his head, Spike muttered, "Over my dust particles. He'll never have you."

Figuring this was the wrong time to go into her sense of honor, Willow just stroked his cheek. "Does the blood help?"

"...Don't know. Still hurts like hellfire." Rolling his head back, he looked up at her and Willow looked away as she laid him down gently on the pillows and set the cup aside. "We need to talk."

"You need to rest."

Spike ignored her resolved look. "I can rest when I'm...soon enough." He looked up into her sorrow filled eyes and felt a pang in his heart that had nothing to do with his injuries. "Willow...my chances aren't good."

She glared at him and snapped, "Don't say that. You're not going to die. You can't."

"...The bond."

"Not just because of the bond," she whispered, her momentary anger draining from her. "I...can't...Oh, God, Spike, I can't live without you and not just because of the bond." Fat tears rolled down her cheeks and she clutched at one of his hands.

"I thought you hated me," he whispered hoarsely.

"I don't...Maybe I never did. Maybe I hated myself. I don't know and I don't care. I just...life is too short, too fragile, for both of us now. Even if..." She choked on a sob and squeezed his hand. "Even if you die, I don't want our last few moments together to be colored by hate." Sobbing openly she buried her face in his shoulder, stretching out next to him on the bed.

Awkwardly Spike placed soft kisses on the top of her head, wanting to hold her and comfort her, but unable to find the strength to move. "Willow," he murmured, and for the first time in too long, his voice rang with love. "Please forgive me, for everything. For Dru, for the bond, for killing, for being a vampire, for...hitting you. Please, luv, please forgive me for hitting you."

Willow sobbed harder, her tears wetting his chest. "I do...I do. I don't blame you for the bond. I know you didn't know. And, I can live with Dru and you, somehow, and the killing...None of it matters. You just have to live so that we can make it all better."

His hand brushed her cheek, from where the bruise had finally disappeared and Willow leaned into the caress. "Can you forgive me for hitting you?"

"I thrust a cross in your face. Can you forgive me for that?" Willow raised her head and looked into his face, nearly flinching at the pain etched on his smooth features. "And, for Angelus," she whispered, feeling herself flush from a strange combination of embarrassment and sorrow.

"I forgive you, luv." And with those words, Spike felt his demon screaming inside him as his love for her forced it into retreat. "In the end...I don't have a choice. I love you too much. I don't want to waste any more time either." His voice faded away and his hand fell from hers.

"Spike?" she cried, alarmed.

"Tired." His eyes flickered open and shut, then open again.

"I love you, too," Willow whispered, her heart in her throat, fear and love and shared pain sending fresh tears down her cheeks.

Spike smiled and closed his eyes.

Willow barely heard the knock on the outside door. 

End Chapter 6


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone's at the door... Drusilla makes some salient points and Willow actually listens and comes to some realizations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally published on August 24, 1999, over six weeks after the last chapter, with no reasons given, except that I did write several other things. I didn't write anything in the first three weeks of August due to moving. Rated PG13 for nothing much.

As the knock sounded again, Willow lifted her head, then carefully slid from the bed, puzzled. Glancing back at Spike she saw that she hadn't disturbed him, so she walked silently out of the bedroom and to the outer door of the cottage.

Maybe it was Buffy, though she kind of doubted Angelus would let her go so soon.

Opening the door, Willow's jaw fell open at the sight before her.

Standing on the doorstep, wringing her lily-white hands, a look of total concern on her face, was Drusilla.

"My Angel said that Spike was here." As Drusilla rose on her toes to look past Willow, the redhead's mind went blank with shock, and her fingers tightened on the door knob. "Please, let me in, let me tend him."

Willow blinked as that request registered, then she paled and stumbled back.

Drusilla gave her an earnest look, pleading again. "Please. I won't hurt you. I can't hurt you. Spike would never forgive me." She reached out, her hand flattening against the barrier, as tears slid down her cheeks. "Please."

Swallowing convulsively, Willow tried to make the instinctive fear go away and rationally examine the vampiress' request. Finally she found her voice, although she squeaked a bit. "Why should I trust you?"

"...We both love him with all our hearts"

"Just a few weeks ago you wanted to kill me."

Drusilla shrugged elegantly. "I was angry, I admit, but...so were you."

Willow froze, her breath catching in her throat at the other woman's insight, then remembered that Drusilla 'saw' things. Why couldn't she have seen Spike getting shot?

Drusilla reached into the pocket of her long coat and hissed, her face twisting in pain. From the velvet folds she drew an ornate silver cross, the holy item burning into her shaking hand. Willow gaped, then realized Drusilla was trying to hand it to her and reached through the invisible barrier to take it. It was heavy, yet felt reassuring in her hand.

Cradling her wounded hand and gasping slightly, Drusilla looked up at Willow, her face a mask of pain and sorrow. "You can use that on me, if I try to hurt you. But, I won't. On his life, I swear I won't."

Willow stared at the other woman for nearly a minute, then took a deep breath and nodded. "Come in." She backed up and Drusilla entered the house. Unerringly she walked into the bedroom, then dashed to the bedside, murmuring Spike's name. Willow followed slowly, standing well out of reach as the vampiress dropped to her knees next to the bed, gently taking his hand.

"Oh my Spike. I can feel your pain," she crooned, caressing his hand. Her other hand rested lightly over his heart. "The bullets sap your strength, prevent your recovery." Lowering her head, she brushed her lips over his. "Angel's blood has saved you, but..." Two fat tears slid down her cheeks and dripped onto his face.

Spike stirred, groaning in pain, and his eyes fluttered open. Expecting to see Willow, he jerked back, then cried out as agony flared.

Rounding the bed, Willow reached of his other hand, settling carefully next to him. Seeing her, he relaxed somewhat, gasping for unneeded breath as the pain pounded through him. Spying the cross in Willow's other hand, he hissed, rolling his head. She quickly set it out of his line of sight but in easy reach.

"Are...you...insane?"

"She...begged..."

"Angel told me that you were hurt by nasty bullets. I had to come, to comfort, to soothe." Easily Drusilla rose to her feet and sank down beside him. Both women faced him, holding his hands. His eyes rolled from one to the other, and he sighed in distress.

"Dru, don't hurt her, please," he pled weakly.

She frowned slightly and patted his hand. "I wouldn't do that. You need her. I understand. Sometimes I don't like it," she admitted, "but I understand.

Spike glanced over at the subdued redhead, trying to gauge her mood, her thoughts. "Willow?"

"...She loves you."

"And you?"

Willow's fingers tightened around his hand. "I love you, too."

Looking back over at Drusilla, who watched them with emotionless eyes, he tried to look stern. "Dru, Angelus has chosen Willow as his own so you can't hurt her." He hated saying the words, admitting the truth, but he knew that Willow's chances of surviving Drusilla's presence were better with the threat of 'daddy's anger hanging over her.

Drusilla gave him a startled look, then turned crafty eyes on Willow. "Daddy wants you, too? He has the nasty slayer. Why would he want you?"

"I don't know," Willow mumbled. "I...bargained with him to save Spike."

Anger flared in the vampiress. "Daddy was going to let you die?" she demanded to know.

"Daddy's a prick, luv, you know that," Spike answered with a total lack of mirth, then coughed. Blood spilled from his lips as his body was wracked with pain and both women tightened their grips on his hands.

"Spike? You have to relax. Try not to cough." Willow was trying very hard not to panic, but he was so pale.

"Shh, shh, calm, luvey, calm," Drusilla crooned, then lifted her wrist to her mouth and tore it open. Lowering the wound to his lips, she urged him to drink. Willow stroked his head as he latched onto the vampiress' wrist and drank in the soothing blood. The shudders stopped slowly and he pulled back, gasping slightly, his body still trembling.

"You need to sleep," Willow said softly, still stroking his head as she watched Drusilla licking the healing wound on her wrist. Spike's eyes fell shut. "Will your blood help?"

"Any blood will help, but he will need more of Angel's. He will get it," Drusilla replied strongly. "You have fed him, too?" Willow nodded. "He is strong, stronger than any of the minions, even after the paralysis, but..." Her strong facade faded to one of confusion and fear. "He doesn't think he will live, does he?"

"...No." Tears sprang into Willow's eyes and she blinked them forcefully away.

"It's okay to cry, little Willow." Her eyes took on a faraway look and she released Spike's hand. "He won't die. He...you...me...we three...I see...He stands before us, in the way? Or..." Helplessly Drusilla shook her head. "The vision is unclear."

Willow was rather amazed, but managed to croak out, "Who?"

"Darkness personified."

"Angelus?"

"He is your enemy. You hate him," Drusilla answered shrewdly. "Yet your best friend loves him. You can't understand how."

Shaking her head, Willow spoke honestly, her voice full of sorrow. "No, I don't understand how she can love that monster."

"But you love a monster."

Willow gaped, stunned as she realized Drusilla spoke the truth. "But, he... Spike..."

"Kills, rends, tears, tortures, destroys. He is an efficient and effective killer," the vampiress replied proudly. "We do not need to kill to survive."

"He likes it."

Drusilla nodded at Willow's soft response. "He is a demon."

Tears flooded Willow's eyes and for a moment she wanted to flee, but she had been running from the truth for too long. "I love a demon," she admitted, her mouth dry from shock and acceptance.

"And he loves you, your demon. Do you accept that?"

"I have to."

"People walk away from love every day. You can do the same."

Willow looked down at Spike, her eyes drifting over the sharp planes of his face, the long dark lashes, his firm, yet tender lips, and felt all the anger, the disgust, the horror fade as she accepted the truth, finally and fully. "I don't want to."

She loved a killer, a monster, a demon, with all her heart and soul, and she was no longer horrified by that knowledge.

Looking up at Drusilla, her eyes shining, Willow saw her love for Spike reflected in the vampiress' wide eyes and soft smile. "I love him."

"So do I."

There was nothing challenging in their softly spoken words, only mutual acceptance, then they both turned their attention back to Spike, gently stroking his head as he slept. 

End Chapter 7


	8. Interlude: Lost Little Lamb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel has Willow in his grasp. What does he plan to do with her and where is Spike?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally published on January 14, 1999--if you're paying attention to these dates you'll realize this was written WAY before Shot In The Dark. In fact it was posted the day after I finished The Bitter Suite. So, I guess I did have an idea of where I was going with Willow's promise to Angel. There's a lot of foreshadowing--the collar, for one.
> 
> The original notes said: Evilfic. Yep, pretty much. It's definitely dubcon and the recounting of Angelus raping Drusilla is definitely rape. By the way, that's my 'go to' version of how Angelus turned Dru and the next series I load, the Alpha Series, has a whole fic depicting it.

Willow woke slowly, her head spinning, her body feeling heavy and languid. Opening her eyes, she blinked into the gloom. A lone lamp was lit across the room. What furniture she could see was dark and massive.

Shifting slightly, she realized that she lay on satin sheets...and that she was naked. Gasping, Willow scrambled to her knees and then started at the sound of a chair scraping on the floor across the room.

Out of the darkness he came, tall and dark, wearing only black leather pants.

"What do you want?" she asked, fighting through her fear of him.

"Time to keep your promise, little Willow."

She shook her head wildly and flung herself from the bed, not sure where she was going, just trying to escape.

Angel caught her before she got more than a few feet, sweeping her up against his hard, cold body. Willow struggled futilely, her little fists pounding on his chest until he laughed.

"Such resistance. And here you promised to come willingly."

He seemed amused. It only made tears spring to her eyes as her mind flew out of control. Willow screamed hysterically.

Angel's slap stunned her and sent her to her knees. The tears exploded from her and she fell farther, curling into a ball, terror overwhelming her.

"Well, now, this just is no fun at all," Angel said in disgust, nudging her hip with his bare foot.

Finally something filtered through the morass of terrifying images in her mind. "Spike," Willow whispered.

Growling, Angel reached down and hauled her to her feet, his fingers slipping beneath the leather choker around her throat. "You're my bitch now, Willow." Jerking her closer, he swooped down and kissed her with violent passion.

Helpless, Willow clutched at his arms, afraid that she'd fall and he'd snap her neck. As his lips bruised hers, the leather dug into the tender skin of her throat, chafing it as it was never meant to do.

She gasped for air as he released her mouth. Her whole body trembled and her eyes were wide and dark as they looked at the smirk on his face.

Angel's fingers tightened, twisted and suddenly tore the choker apart. Willow moaned at the burning pain and one of her hands went to her abraded throat. She watched as he dangled the embroidered leather band in front of her eyes.

"I told you this meant nothing to me." He tossed it over his shoulder.

Pulling away from him, Willow backed up until she hit the wall, only to have Angel follow, stalking her until he pressed against her.

"Convenient," he murmured.

"Spike," she choked out.

Angel raised one hand and ran his forefinger down her trembling face and over her lips. "You think I killed him, don't you."

Horrified, too stunned to even imagine a world without Spike, Willow nodded.

Angel smirked and leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Maybe if you're a good little whore, I'll tell you if he's dust or not."

"If...he's dead..." She couldn't finish it; her mind couldn't accept it.

Heaving a large sigh of disgust, Angel slid his hands around her back and cupped her ass, grinding her against his erection. "Oh, alright, I can see you're just going to be pitiful. Of course he's alive. The last thing I want is for you to go nuts...Well, until I can drive you there myself."

A tremor of distaste, fear and relief ran through Willow and she blinked the tears away from her eyes. Spike was alive.

"You...you'll pay for this."

Angel laughed and rubbed against her. "A threat from the mouse? What? Do you think he'll do anything? That he'll avenge this indignity?" As he mocked her, one hand slid around between them and dived between her legs, fondling her shrinking flesh. "What? Not sopping wet for moi?"

"Bastard," Willow hissed, struggling again.

Sighing, Angel picked her up and tossed her on her back onto the bed. "You know, this is going to get old real fast. Of all of you good little slayerettes, I thought you would be the one to keep your word." He knelt over her, straddling her squirming body and pinning her down.

Willow hit out at him and Angel grabbed her hands, pinning them on either side of her head. "Why should I keep my word to a monster?"

"You dishonor him by fighting me, little bitch," Angel growled.

"He'd want me to fight," she said in a faltering voice.

Angel caught the uncertainty in her voice. "But...you're not totally sure of that, are you?" He leaned down and ran his tongue up her cheek, tasting the salt of her drying tears. "I'm his sire," he murmured. "He would not deny me anything...the least of all you."

"Does he...does he know I'm here?" she asked in a strangled voice.

"Of course. We're one big happy family, after all." His mouth found her ear and he sucked at the lobe, then nipped, causing her to wince at the sudden pain. "Remember, the first time I had you...he just sat and watched...calm, unconcerned, undoubtedly hard as a rock."

"I hate you."

He laughed again. "What a witty comeback." Crushing her lips beneath his again, Angel cupped one of her breasts and caressed her shrinking flesh. His tongue found hers and the kiss softened slightly, as his fingers gently tweaked her nipple.

Sobbing softly, Willow fought herself as much as him as she struggled, trying to free herself from his embrace. As his mouth slid down her body, lapping at her throat and then her breasts, the familiar cold touch began to arouse her.

Just as she knew he wanted. It would be so much more of a victory for him if she enjoyed it.

Gritting her teeth, her hands free as his were roaming over her body, she dug her fingers into his hair and yanked.

Angel roared, ripping himself from her grasp, leaving strands of his silky hair behind in her suddenly nerveless fingers. Morphing, Angel grabbed her shoulders, his claws digging into her tender flesh, making her bleed. Shoving her back down hard into the mattress, he buried his mouth in her throat.

Willow screamed in panic, the sound slowly dying away as she realized he wasn't biting her. His fangs were scraping her skin, rubbing against old bite marks, and his tongue was tasting her, but he wasn't biting.

Numb, her hands fell at her sides and she stared at the ceiling, waiting for him to hurt her.

"You want me to just do it, don't you?" he hissed. "You think it will be over faster if you piss me off. I can fuck you for hours on end, Willow, in every way imaginable and some I'm sure you've never pictured in your horniest teenage dreams."

"Getting this over with is the last thing I plan on doing, my sweet slut. Oh, but don't worry...you will pay for that...or he will." Rising to his knees, Angel unfastened his pants, freeing his throbbing cock. Absently he caressed it as he watched the emotions flying across her face. "Did Spike ever tell you of my...initiation of Drusilla?"

Slowly Willow shook her head, pressing her lips tightly together as she watched him stroke himself.

"She was a virgin, you know...unlike you." His eyes hardened and Willow flinched. "I had fucked her mouth before. She didn't like it too much," he reminisced. "I had to knock out a couple of her teeth before she did it properly."

His knees slowly pushed Willow's legs farther apart as he spoke, his voice light, as if telling a pleasant story. "She ran from me and I let her go, let her heal a bit, let her almost find happiness. Then, the night she became a nun, I entered the convent and slaughtered all the sisters, tearing them apart, bathing in their blood."

His free hand slipped between her legs and gently began to caress her, patiently inducing the swollen flesh and feminine moisture he desired, as he continued. "I found Dru in a corner, sobbing hysterically, praying to her god. I picked her up and tossed her on the altar and ripped her habit from her. She was sobbing still, crying for her new hubby to come save her, even as I battered through her virginity. I fucked her for nearly two hours. She was one nasty, bloody mess when I finally came."

Willow shivered in disgust and terror and dug her fingers into the bedding, trying to push herself backwards away from him as his fingers danced over her now tingling clit.

Angel grinned down at her. "Well, look at this. I can see how much I disgust you." One finger slid into her tight passage and Willow whimpered, biting her inner cheek to keep in her moan as a sudden wave of pleasure hit her. "Oh, yeah, all wet."

"I hate you," she whispered darkly.

"I don't give a shit." Removing his hand, Angel lowered himself, brushing the head of his cock against her now wet crevice. "Do you want me to fuck you for two hours?" he murmured as his mouth swept across her face and captured her ear lobe.

A strangled sound escaped her lips and Willow squeezed her eyes shut as the tension in her womb grew.

"I can, you know. I can't say that you'll enjoy it after thirty minutes or so of my cock pounding into you, though I doubt you'll tear like she did...being well used and all."

"I don't think it really matters what I want, does it?" Willow asked through clenched teeth.

"Nope," Angel replied cheerfully as he slammed his cock into her, burying it to the hilt in her hot passage.

Willow whimpered and bit her lip until a drop of blood appeared.

Lowering his head, Angel sucked at the wound, then slipped his tongue inside her hot mouth, running it over her teeth and gums. He began to move, slapping his pelvis against hers. "Fuck me back, babe," he murmured against her mouth, savoring the taste of her blood. "I know you want to. I can feel how hot and wet I made you."

"My body," she groaned, her voice tight with lust and hatred. "It's just my body."

"Why would I want more?" His hands slid beneath her and arched her whole body to him.

Panting as her lust grew, Willow unwillingly wrapped her legs around his hips, meeting his thrusts. Her hands remained in the bedding, her fingers nearly numb from gripping so tightly. Her eyes flashed across the ceiling, then squeezed shut again. She couldn't bear to see the triumph on the monster's face.

Her ears filled with the sounds of fucking--bodies slapping together, wet squishy noises, her own harsh panting--and she felt herself flush.

"Such a pretty color. I do miss that in vamps. We just can't blush. And, look, it spreads all the way down your tits."

"Cocksucker," Willow hissed before she could stop herself.

Angel laughed, apparently not bothered by the name- calling. "No, I think that's you, babe...or maybe your little boyfriend. He always did like a hard, stiff cock down his throat...or up his ass. Maybe we'll try that next."

"Leave him alone," she cried, making him laugh harder.

"You're too fucking easy, Willow." Angel's hips moved faster and he grunted in pleasure, then lowered his head to her breasts. He worried one hard nipple after the other between his lips, before licking the sweaty valley. "Spike knows, babe. He knows that all I have to do is snap my fingers. It's a sire's prerogative...You're a sire's prerogative."

Willow panted for breath and blinked the perspiration from her eyes as her legs tightened around Angel's hips. She was nearly at her peak, but he had distracted her. "Don't. Don't do that to him," she begged harshly, straining against his thrusting body. "You'll destroy his position here."

"Then make it worth my while, my little tease."

Yanking her hands free of the bedding, Willow twined her arms around the neck and flung herself against Angel, her mouth finding his in a hungry, lusty kiss.

Laughing, Angel rolled them, pulling her up so that she sat on him, impaled on his cock. "Fuck me, Willow. Fuck me for him."

Burning with humiliation, Willow dug her fingers into his shoulders and began to move on him. Her eyes closed, she ground her throbbing clit against his pubic bone, trying to block out his mocking laughter and growls of pleasure.

Angel gripped her hips and slammed upwards, driving into her, nearly to the edge of her womb. She whimpered, a mixture of pain and pleasure and hatred and he grinned in delight as her pussy clenched around his cock.

Groaning, finally on the edge of her orgasm, Willow flung her head back and ground against him, twisting and rubbing until she cried out and came, her body shuddering in release.

Feeling her drench his cock, Angel rolled them again, thrusting hard into her relaxing body. "I'll be sure to let him know of your great sacrifice for him," he murmured against her flushed cheek.

Willow's eyes flickered open and she knew shame shone in them. They slid to the face hovering above her and Willow gasped.

Yellow eyes gleamed merrily at her and a mouth opened, full of sharp teeth. The terror that had been driven away by the lust returned, roaring through Willow.

"No," she sobbed, knowing it was all over.

With a harsh growl, Angel buried his mouth in her throat, sinking his fangs into her soft flesh. As her blood filled his mouth, he exploded into orgasm.

Sobbing softly, Willow closed her eyes and let herself go.

*****

With a soft cry and a hard jerk, Willow came awake, gasping for breath. Frantically her eyes flew around the room and came to rest on the figure sleeping in the bed. Panting, she stumbled over to him, needing to touch him, to know that he was still with her.

Then she turned and grabbed her purse. Frantically dumping the contents on the end of the bed, she found a compact and opened it. As terror screamed through her, she looked.

And saw her wild reflection looking back at her.

Sobbing her thanks, she sank to the floor, clutching the edge of the bed.

It was just a dream...just a very vivid dream...

End Chapter 8


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's morning... (yeah, that was all I wrote for the original summary)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, missed posting for a couple days. 
> 
> Originally published on October 24, 1999, two months after the last real chapter. It has graphic Buffy/Angel sex and was dedicated to Chelle for writing me a hilarious birthday fic. I still know Chelle. :)

Trembling from head to toe, Willow stumbled into the bathroom to splash cool water on her flushed face. The remnants of her dream--primarily gut-wrenching fear and anguished loss--lingered and she stared blankly into the mirror.

Her future...

Desolation filled her at the bleakness of the future. Angelus would turn her, taking from her everything that made her Willow. Would she still love Spike? Obviously, some vampires could feel love, but Spike and Drusilla had fallen in love as demons. Would her own demon be able to love Spike?

Her own demon...

A shudder went through her and her breath caught in her throat as wild emotions nearly strangled her. She didn't want to become a demon!

"Willow?"

Spike's hesitant call broke her from her despair and she hurried back into the bedroom. Her lover lay still and pale under the blankets, but his eyes were open and clear. Sitting down on the bed next to him, she took his hand in hers, squeezing it gently.

"I'm here."

"Is it morning?" Willow nodded. "Where's Dru?"

"She left right before dawn. She said she was going to have a little talk with Angel about leaving you to die."

A smile quirked at the corners of his lips. "My two lionesses." His smile slid away and his eyes focused on her pale face. "Are you really okay with this, luv? With Dru?"

Willow nodded, and flashed him a brittle smile. "It'll be fine. All you have to do is get well. How do you feel this morning?"

"Like shit...but...still here."

"Do you want some more blood?"

"...You fed me last night." His brows furrowed as he remembered vague images from the night before, remembered her orgasming. "Angelus knows."

"It's okay. Everything's out now and...it's okay." She changed the subject, lifting her free wrist to his mouth. "Can you bite or should I go get a knife."

"Is there any of the bagged variety?"

"My blood makes you stronger. It's the benefit of the bond for you. Maybe...maybe Angel's prediction will be wrong if you keep drinking from me."

"He doesn't believe I'll ever fully recover, does he."

"...He's a dickhead. Let's prove him wrong."

Although he smiled weakly, he turned his head, moving his mouth away from the temptation of the blood pulsing beneath the thin skin of her inner wrist. "It's too soon, luv."

"You only took about a cup last night. I can lose another. It's okay, Spike. I want to do this for you."

"All I needed was your forgiveness."

Smiling sweetly, she leaned down and brushed her lips over his. "Drink."

Spike sighed, but when she placed her wrist over his mouth for a second time, he bit into her warm flesh. Moaning softly, Willow tightened her grip on his hand as pleasure hit her. Her body shuddered and her toes curled, then she flung back her head and whimpered his name, as her orgasm zinged through her.

*****

An hour later, Spike slept peacefully, a hint of color in his cheeks, and Willow was finally recovered from her orgasm. Still amazed that just a simple bite could do that to her, she walked up to the big house, hoping to borrow some clothes from Cordelia. She had called her parents and told them she was spending the weekend at Cordelia's, but she didn't want to waste time going home for clothes. The guesthouse was well stocked on toiletries and frozen and canned foods. All she needed was some clean underwear and maybe a t-shirt.

Ringing the doorbell, she waited, then waited some more. Finally, the door was open by a half-awake Cordelia, wearing only a nearly transparent purple robe. At the sight of Willow, she came instantly awake.

"Spike?"

"No, he's okay. I...can I borrow some clothes?"

"Oh, sure." She let Willow in, then glanced up the stairs. "Maybe I should go get you some. Stay here."

Willow cocked her eyebrows at the departing brunette, then blushed as she realized Xander must be upstairs.

A few minutes later, Cordelia returned with a tote bag. "There's a couple pairs of panties that I've never worn, and some sweat pants and two tops."

"Thanks...and thanks for letting us stay here." Willow took the bag, then hugged Cordelia, who squeezed her back.

"Everything will be fine."

"Yeah."

"Have you heard from Buffy?"

Stepping back, Willow shook her head, worry crossing her face. "I'm going to call her. I hope...I hate him so much."

"Me too."

*****

On her return to the guesthouse, Willow peeked in on Spike, and sighed in relief. He was...still there. Dropping the bag on the floor, she returned to kitchen and picked up the phone, dialing Buffy's number.

"Buffy?" Mrs. Summers cried, picking up on the first ring.

"Um, no, it's Willow, Mrs. Summers." She tried to think of an excuse quickly, her brain panicking at the realization that Buffy hadn't made it home the night before. "Um, she just left Cordelia's."

"Is that where she was all night? Why didn't she call me? I've been going nuts since I woke up this morning. I don't believe she did this..."

"I...um...I'm sure she'll be home soon," Willow finished lamely. "Um...I'll call her later." She quickly hung up, breathing hard, torn between going to the mansion and finding Buffy, and staying to watch over Spike. Feet dragging, she walked back into the bedroom and sank into the chair she'd slept in.

...She couldn't leave him. Buffy...Buffy would be okay.

*****

Buffy woke with a start and blinked into the gloom. As she turned onto her back, her memories returned and she sat up, gasping. A hand found her stomach and pushed her back down.

"Sleep," Angel grumbled.

"Oh God!"

He growled and caught her hip, pulling her back into his arms. Buffy struggled feebly, then, as her eyes adjusted to the lack of light, realized that Angel was still asleep.

What time was it!? Her mother was going to kill her!

Grabbing Angel's hand, she began to pry his fingers off of her, desperate to get out of there and get home, praying that it was still night, but, from the depth of Angel's sleep, she had a sinking feeling the sun was shining brightly outside.

And her mother was going to kill her...

Finally free, Buffy slipped from the bed, grabbing for the clothes she remembered setting on a chair. Jerking them on, she fumbled for her shoes and ended up on her knees, groping in the dark. "Damn," she bit out as she failed to find them.

"Come back to bed," Angel mumbled.

Ignoring him, Buffy nearly howled in glee as her hand landed on her shoes. Sitting on the floor, she put them on, quickly tying the laces. Grabbing her purse from the chair, she jumped up and ran for the door.

"Don't leave."

Her hand stilled on the knob as her heart thumped painfully in her chest. As the memories of all the events of the night before swirled in her head, she heard over and over his almost plaintive plea for her to stay.

"It's morning...I...have to..."

The bedside lamp clicked on and Angel sat up on one hip, watching her with burning eyes. Buffy swallowed hard as her gaze drifted down his naked chest to the pool of velvet barely covering him to the waist.

"My mom..." she began feebly.

"You're already in trouble."

She nearly melted at the husky persuasiveness in his voice as he held out a hand to her.

"Come back to bed, lover."

Her hand fell away from the knob.

"I should...call her at least..."

"...Later."

The blanket stirred and the tip of his cock peeked out of the fold, making Buffy's mouth go dry as lust surged through her.

"Okay." Her hands were already on her blouse, unbuttoning it as she spoke. Kicking her shoes off, she wriggled out of her jeans, leaving her in a pair of silky red panties.

Angel kicked the blankets aside and caught her wrist as she reached the bed. With a gentle tug, he pulled her into his arms and his mouth found hers. Buffy straddled his hips, her fingers sliding into his hair, as her tongue slid into his mouth. His hands cupped her bottom, squeezing the plump globes, as he sank onto his back.

Feeling herself growing damp, she rubbed against his erection, making them both moan. Angel ran his lips across her cheek and caught the lobe of her ear in his teeth, nibbling until she squeaked. His hands caressed up her back, then around to her breasts, tweaking the swollen nipples, as her teeth scraped along his carotid artery.

As she touched a nerve, Angel bucked his hips, driving his cock against her. His hands caught the sides of her panties and he pulled them down until she was able to wiggle out of them. Her squirming drove his cock along her wet cleft, making the head bump against her throbbing clit.

Buffy groaned and fastened her teeth in his shoulder, her body shuddering in pleasure.

Angel rolled them, coming to rest between her spread legs. Lowering his head, he captured one of her pert nipples between his lips, worrying it as his fingers caressed the other one. Buffy gasped and arched into his mouth as bolts of pleasure shot through her. Her legs wrapped around his and she ran her feet up and down his calves.

One small hand slid between them and wrapped around his cock. Angel growled and thrust into her hand, his lust evident in his hot eyes as he looked up from her breast.

"I need you inside me," she whispered hoarsely.

"I want to be inside you forever," he growled back, his eyes nearly crossing as she squeezed the tip of his cock as she guided it to her hot passage. As he plunged to the hilt, his mouth caught hers in a voracious kiss that left her breathless and limp beneath his driving body. Angel slid his hands down to her hips and lifted her to meet his thrusts, as Buffy moaned and whimpered, clutching at his broad shoulders.

Tension building inside her, she began to move with him eagerly, her legs tightening around his thighs and her fingers digging into his neck. As he lifted her hips off the bed to slam inside her, Buffy's eyes flew open and she gasped his name.

Their eyes met, burning into each other. Angel's lips drew back, his cheeks hollowing as he sucked in unneeded air, then he cried her name and drove her into the bed.

Exploding into climax, Buffy keened and bucked up against him, forcing his cock deeper inside her with every squeeze of her pussy. Angel growled and buried his mouth in her neck, scraping her flesh with his fangs, as he came in great spurts of passion.

Exhausted, they collapsed together. Angel shifted his torso off her, wrapping his arms around her hips and holding her to him, his tongue licking lightly at the scrapes from his fangs. Buffy's hands ran languidly over his back and she concentrated on the slowing of her pounding heart, a smile on her face. Still intimately embraced, they drifted back to sleep.

*****

An hour later, showered and in clean clothes, Willow dozed on the couch, when a knock came on the outer door. Half- asleep, she stumbled to it and opened it. Giles stood there.

"Oh, hi."

"Hello. Is he...still alive?"

Willow nodded and stood aside, letting her mentor in.

"Is he awake?"

"Um...I don't know. I was asleep. Why?"

"I want to talk to him," Giles replied solemnly. Willow noticed that his hands were clenching and unclenching along his legs and that his face was emotionless...

But his eyes were full of anger and frustration.

"Giles...Please, not now."

"And, if he dies, it will be too late."

Willow paled and took a step backwards. "You blame him."

"He's an adult. Several times over," he added without humor. "He took an innocent girl and..."

"He's a demon," she said softly, in explanation. "And, I wanted him."

Giles gave her a startled look. "Don't you dare try to place the blame on yourself for his seduction of you."

"Okay...maybe at first he did take advantage of me, but...Giles, I'm not innocent anymore, not by a million miles. I've...done things..." She broke off, flushing and dropping her eyes. "We jokingly blame it on the Hellmouth, but...we all had to face and accept things that normal people don't have to deal with. We all...have demons intimately involved in our lives."

"I really have failed all of you," Giles said numbly, sinking down onto the couch.

"No, you haven't!" Willow sat next to him, nibbling at her lip. "We all grew up too fast, but that's not your fault. We'd be dead without you. Giles, please, you prepared us as best you could. We made our own choices."

"You keep saying 'we'."

Willow flushed and knotted her fingers together in her lap. "Um..."

"Willow."

The stern, authoritative tone of Giles' voice made Willow wince.

"Cordelia, I presume?"

"Giles, please," Willow begged, then sighed in relief as Spike called for her.

As she started to rise, Giles placed his hand firmly on her arm. "Stay here."

Willow flashed him a helpless look as he rose and walked into the bedroom. Her knuckles slowly turned white as she stared at her lap, trying not to imagine what was happening in the other room. 

End Chapter 9


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giles confronts Spike. Buffy shows up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally published on November 21, 1999, and followed on the same day by the next three chapters. Obviously I got off my ass after a month of nothing on this fic. All those four were dedicated to Stella for "all her patience and gentle threats".

The sound of footsteps roused him, and Spike blinked his eyes open. He stared blankly at the man who now stood next to the bed, then he remembered why he was familiar.

The Watcher.

Spike watched Giles scowl and his hands clench into fists at his sides. He remembered listening to Angelus rant about how the Watcher was tougher, harder, much more dangerous than he looked, and a trickle of worry crept into him. How long had the Watcher known?

"Do you know how tempted I am to pull those curtains open and laugh as you burn to ash?" Giles asked, his voice low and full of ice.

Figuring it was a rhetorical question, Spike didn't answer, just waited for the coldly furious man to continue.

"But, if I do that, Willow is doomed to madness and an extremely painful death. So, instead, I have to help her keep your worthless carcass alive." His nostrils flared and his fingers tightened, the knuckles turning white as he restrained himself from flinging Spike out the window. "I don't know what infuriates me more. That you took an innocent child's virginity in an act of violence. That you kept her as your concubine, introducing her to sexual acts she was in no way mature enough to handle. That you bit her and fed from her, creating a bond that will eventually destroy her." Giles took a deep, shuddering breath before continuing, his voice even colder, if possible. "Or that you made her love you, a demon, the embodiment of everything evil and destructive in this world."

As the angry words sank in, Spike felt a strange calmness blanket him, and after a few moments of silence, he answered, "Have you asked her what she sees in me? Because, I haven't a clue. You're right, on every count. She pretties it up, but that first night, I raped her. I didn't beat her or hit her or even hurt her any more than losing her virginity hurts a girl, but she was scared and crying, and I didn't give a fuck. I wanted her, and I made her want me, so much so that within a week, she came to me for more."

No longer able to look at the Watcher's frozen hate-filled face, Spike stared at the ceiling and continued, "And, she kept coming back. I taught her everything, taught her to enjoy it all, every perverse sexual act you can think of. She got herself caught by Dru again, and I let Dru use her like a human vibrator, then spanked her until she begged me to fuck her. Sado-masochism, bondage, discipline, three ways, four ways, sex toys, anal, oral, I've taught it all to her, and she's been extremely receptive."

"She's no longer a child, thanks to me, and now, since our break-up and the bond and everything that's happened since, the innocence is gone from her eyes." He looked back over at Giles, a grim frown on his face. "And no one hates that more than I. I regret a lot of things, Watcher, but she loves me, and that I will never regret."

"Why do you even care?" Giles bit out.

"Have you ever really looked at her, Watcher? She brings light out of darkness, and every other cliche, but, you know what? They're all true. She can even redeem a demon."

Giles snorted in disbelief. "Waxing poetic, Spike, does not become you."

"Yeah, she even has me doing that."

"So, you got a seventeen year old child to believe she loves you, and to believe that you love her."

"I do love her," Spike protested.

"You're a demon."

"And, you, of all people, should know that one doesn't preclude the other. I'm able to feel all the same emotions that humans can, even deeper in some instances. I can also choose to feel nothing, but I've never allowed myself to do that, to become like my sire."

"And what about your paramour, Drusilla."

"I can't desert her. It would destroy her."

Giles face grew florid and his eyes narrowed. "You will continue your relationship with her while using Willow?"

Spike glared back and bit out, "I'm not USING Willow. How do you give up a love of over one hundred years? I can't do it. I won't do it. Maybe it's the selfish demon in me, or maybe it's because if I leave Dru, she'll wither and die in our sire's so-called care. Willow has come to terms with my relationship with Dru and it's none of your business."

"She may say it's fine now, but I can promise you, it will come back to bite you on the ass."

"I don't doubt it, Watcher, and we'll deal with it then. For now, if I live, I will cherish Willow as much as I possibly can, protect her from the dangers of this hell hole and love her with everything I have. It's enough for her."

Slowly Giles nodded, his lips drawn in a tight line. "I'm not her father. I'm only her friend. But if you hurt her again like this...I will make you suffer an eternity of torment."

Fully believing the human, Spike nodded in agreement.

*****

As Giles exited the bedroom, Willow jumped to her feet, a pensive look on her face. "Did you...? Is he...?"

"He's fine, well, in the same condition as before I went in." Sighing, he ran his hand over his face. "He loves you."

"I know."

"And Drusilla?"

Willow nodded slowly. "I can live with it. Giles...I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I'm not sorry I love him."

He gave her a reassuring smile and patted her on the shoulder. "And you shouldn't be. Just, please be careful."

"I will, I promise."

With the promise to bring more blood the next day, Giles left, and Willow hurried into the bedroom. Spike stretched out a shaking hand to her and she took it, sitting next to him. "Are you okay?"

He nodded, and squeezed her hand. "He cares very much for you."

"He blames himself. I think he believes that if I hadn't gotten involved with him and Buffy, I never would have met you. Of course, I'd probably be dead or a vampire, but he's conveniently forgotten that part. I just hope he didn't upset you?"

"He didn't say anything to me that I haven't thought to myself. Like, what did I ever do to deserve your love."

Willow smiled and tried to lighten the mood. "I think it's that thing you do with your tongue."

Spike chuckled, then gave her a sleepy look. "Love you."

"Love you back."

*****

A knock on the door drew Willow from the trashy romance novel she was reading while Spike slept, and she went to answer it. Buffy stood on the other side, a hesitant, pensive look on her face.

"Hi."

"Hi," Willow replied, stepping aside so that Buffy could enter. "I called your place a couple hours ago and your mom was all freaked."

Buffy sighed and flopped on the couch. "I'm in deep shit.

Willow sat in the rocking chair, setting it into motion with a gentle push of her bare feet. "You've been with Angelus this whole time?"

Nodding, Buffy sighed again and rubbed her neck. "I...overslept, and he kind of convinced me that since I was already in trouble I might as well stay a bit longer, and then we fell asleep again."

"She's pretty worried."

"I don't know what to tell her," Buffy admitted weakly, then changed the subject. "How's Spike?"

"He seems to be stronger." Willow flushed slightly. "He and Giles had a talk. I was sure Giles would stake him, but...I guess they reached some kind of understanding."

"He's been mega-wigged since finding out about you two. I...How does it feel now that it's all out? All the secrets?"

"Well, they're not all out. Giles doesn't know about me and Angelus or about the deal, but, I do feel relieved. Xander knows everything and Giles knows almost everything, and, well, all teenagers keep this kind of stuff from their parents, so that doesn't bother me."

Buffy stared down at her lap and fiddled with her rings. "I know Giles will be so disappointed in me if he ever finds out."

"It would be better if you told him, because...Buffy, these things somehow come out. I nearly let it slip earlier today, and I'm still surprised that he never commented on my remark about Angelus feeding Spike last night. If he thinks about it and realizes I've had contact with Angelus, then..."

Nodding sadly, Buffy took off her Claddagh ring and held it up to the light. "I have to find the courage and the right time to tell him."

Willow looked at the ring with pensive eyes. "So...you and Angelus, it's for life?"

Buffy looked solemnly over at her friend and nodded. "I can't fight it any longer. I have feelings for him, not just for Angel's body, but for the demon inside. When he's...gentle and when he makes me laugh..." Her voice trailed off as a tear trickled down her cheek. "Angel's gone forever, but I care for the thing that replaced him."

"And you really don't want Angel back."

"I couldn't bear it. I'm not the girl he fell in love with. Not by a million miles. And...no matter how much I might wish it at times, I can never be that girl again. There's no going back."

"Don't I know it."

"Have you and Spike spoken at all?" Buffy again changed the subject.

"Yeah." A smile lit on Willow's tired face. "We began to resolve things and...I finally admitted that I love him.

Buffy smiled back. "I'm glad. But...what about Drusilla?"

"She was here last night and we...talked."

The smile on Buffy's face was wiped out by alarm. "You let her in?"

"I trust that she won't hurt me. It would hurt Spike and, he told her that Angelus has claimed me. I'm safe from her. Plus...she loves him, too."

"You're willing to share him with her? What changed?"

"He nearly died."

"Okay. I guess that does put it all into perspective, doesn't it."

Willow nodded. "Yeah. It made me grow up and see how childish I've been, and face that I can't live without him, and not just because of the bond. I love him, and love means sacrifice sometimes."

"Yeah, but love's also supposed to mean fidelity."

"Last night...I also accepted that he's a demon, and that I love a demon. I can't change him, and I can't change that demons and vampires view things like sex and love differently than humans. It's okay, Buffy. I can live with that. It's not like we're going to set up housekeeping with Dru." She frowned slightly. "At least, I don't think so."

"I don't think Dru and housekeeping are two words that go together in any language." 

End Chapter 10


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drusilla has it out with Angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally published on November 21, 1999, one minute after the previous chapter. This chapter is Dru/Angel, NC17, BDSM, blood play, etc. There's also a scene with Willow trying to reconcile her desire for pain with Drusilla's and what her future with Angel might become.
> 
> Sorry for the delay in posting--busy, busy weekend.

Drusilla slipped into Angel's room and walked over to the bed, her eyes focusing on his sleeping form. He lay on his back, the satin sheet at his waist, one hand stretched above his head, the other curled over his stomach. The room smelled like sex and vanilla, and her lip curled at the image in her head of the Slayer and Angel together in this bed.

One slender hand went to one of the straps of her dress and she slid it down her arm, then the other one. The dress pooled at her feet and she stepped out of it, placing one knee on the bed. Carefully she crawled over Angel, straddling his hips. As her hands splayed across his broad chest, she leaned forward and whispered his name.

"Buffy," he mumbled, stirring beneath her.

Drusilla scowled and dug her fingernails into his chest. "Your heart stinks of her again."

Angel's eyes flew open and he growled, grabbing her wrists. "Dru." Confused by her presence and not yet fully awake, Angel rolled his head on the pillows. "Where's Buffy?" he asked, finally remembering.

Drusilla shrugged and raised her bloody fingers to her lips, licking each one like a cat. "Not here."

A slightly panicked look crossed his face. "Did you hurt her?"

"Weak," she snarled. "You've gone all weak and soft, Slayer whipped." One hand lashed out and cracked across his cheek, the other grabbed a wrist and hooked it through one of the manacles conveniently dangling from the headboard.

Angel started to struggle, grabbing for her with his other hand, trying to buck her off, but Drusilla was determined, and in an instant his other hand was similarly chained. "You stupid cunt, release me," he growled, his face shifting, his golden eyes gleaming with fury.

Drusilla growled back, her lips bared to reveal her fangs. "You were going to let my Spike die."

Staring at her, Angel snapped back, "Is that what this is about? He's mine to do with as I please, as are you, Drusilla, so let me the fuck go and you'll get out of here alive."

She hit him again, driving her fist into his nose and breaking it. "We are a family," she howled. "If you can care for that squishy mortal bitch, you can care for us, for your children."

Choking on blood, Angel threatened, "Get off me, Drusilla. NOW."

"You're a bad daddy, and bad daddy's get punished." Reaching across him, she drew a short switch from the night stand drawer, then slid down his legs, pulling the sheet with her. His cock bounced free, hard and erect, and she smirked. "Daddy likes this," she hissed, then cracked the switch across his stomach, just barely missing the tip of his cock.

Angel howled and thrashed. "Bitch! I'll fucking throw you to the fledglings for this."

"Spike isn't going to die," she swore, lashing Angel with each precisely spoken word. Nasty welts began to form on his pale skin, and she hit him harder and harder as her voice grew angrier. "You will give him more of your blood and save him and we will be a family again." On the final word, she cracked the switch across his cock and Angel's face went white, then he screamed. The skin broke and blood oozed from the welt, mixing with the pre-cum that had been dripping from the tip throughout the entire beating. His whole body shook.

"You'll die for this," he promised, his voice low and pained.

Ignoring him, Drusilla dropped the switch and lifted one clawed finger up to his face, then lowered it to his cock. Carefully she scraped it down the length, then again and again, each scrape digging a little deeper. When she broke the skin, she grinned. "You will help Spike live."

Thrashing on the bed, yanking on the manacles, Angel swore, "After the fledglings are done ripping you a new cunt, I'll stake you in the sun, you stupid whore."

Drusilla sighed and shook her head. "Daddy, you don't seem to get it. The little Willow had to promise herself to you to get you to help Spike. That's not the way it should be. That's not the way it will be in the future."

Angel continued to bluster. "I am your sire. I can do anything I want to you and I don't need a reason."

"But...it's not the way it should be, not with you," she replied sadly. "Since you came back, you've been different... meaner. We aren't a family anymore." Her anger fled, replaced by sorrow, and tears leaked from her expressive eyes. "I want my family back."

Their eyes met and held, and Angel let his demon slide away. "Things change, Drusilla."

"You don't love us anymore, and that's wrong," she sobbed, falling forward onto his chest, her salty tears stinging his wounds. Angel groaned at the exquisite agony as her breasts rubbed against his bruised flesh, and his eyes rolled back in his head.

"I care," he barked out gruffly. "I don't want to fucking care, but I do. Now, stop crying."

She just cried harder, wrapping her arms around his head and burying her face in the crook of his neck. As her mouth brushed his carotid artery, his cock returned to full erection and butted demandingly against the juncture of her thighs.

"Let me inside you," he demanded in a sibilant voice.

"You'll help Spike because you want to?" she sobbed into his ear.

"I won't give up Willow."

"You'll help Spike because he's your childe and you care for him?"

Giving a great sigh of surrender, Angel nodded and bucked his hips upwards. "Yes."

A joyous smile on her face, Drusilla levered herself upward, then wriggled her pussy against his cock. He hissed in pain and she smirked. "Daddy wanna fuck?"

Incoherent, he growled and yanked futilely on the chains.

Still smiling, Drusilla lowered herself onto his throbbing erection, her pussy squeezing him until he howled in painful pleasure. "Sore daddy?" she whispered as she leaned forward to lick the drying blood from his face.

"Bitch..."

"Your cock is bleeding into me, mingling with my honey, making me strong. Fuck me, Angel," she crooned, rocking her pelvis against his, her back arched and her breasts thrust forward.

Lifting his head, Angel caught one nipple between his teeth and sucked hard, his tongue lapping at the distended flesh. Drusilla whimpered as he suckled on her, pleasure flowing from her breast to her core. Beginning a quick rhythm, she slammed down on him, driving his cock to the edge of her womb. Her eyes widened and she keened his name, as his fangs scraped across her breast, then pierced the tender underside.

As her blood filled his mouth and he drank hungrily, Angel arched his hips upwards, pounding into her tight pussy. As his balls tightened, he ripped his mouth free and howled in pleasure.

Drusilla felt him coming and ground against him, her fingers digging into his shoulders as she pumped his lust from him. Quivering with unfulfilled need, she let his sinking cock slip from inside her and crawled up his body. Straddling his shoulders, she rubbed her wet cleft over his mouth.

Growling in pleasure, Angel dragged one fang down her swollen labia, then lapped up the trickle of blood before swiping his tongue over her throbbing clit. Drusilla bucked against his face as her body shattered into orgasm, then she slid back down his body to lay quivering on top of him.

After a few moments, Drusilla stretched one languid arm over her head and released the catch on one of the manacles. Angel quickly had the other hand free, then grabbed Drusilla and flipped her onto her stomach. She didn't fight him as he chained her spread eagled on the bed, just whimpered as the cold iron clamped around her wrists and ankles.

"Will you give me to the fledglings?" she whispered.

Leaning down, Angel sank his teeth into the nape of her neck, ripping her flesh and making her howl. As he pulled back, he watched the dark red blood trickle into her tangled hair. "You are mine. Don't think I've EVER forgotten that, Drusilla."

"Yours," she crooned. "To do with as you please."

"Yes." The promise in his voice made her shiver in anticipation. "We will be a family as you want, Drusilla, but daddy knows best, remember?"

"Make me remember, daddy."

The bullwhip cracked across her shoulders and she squealed in pleasure-filled pain.

*****

Willow was rinsing her dinner dishes when another knock came. Walking to the door drying her hands on a towel, she opened it and was surprised to find Drusilla standing on the other side carrying a thermos.

"I brought Angel's blood," she said, holding out the thermos, which Willow took. Drusilla brushed past her. "Is Spike better?"

"He seems stronger." She followed the vampiress into the bedroom and over to the bed. Spike opened his eyes and gave them both a weak smile.

"Oh, you look so much better," Drusilla exclaimed, sitting carefully on the bed next to him. "Does it still hurt." Her fingers lightly trailed across the puckered wounds on his chest.

"Only when I move."

"I brought you more of Angel's blood."

Spike's gaze shifted to the thermos Willow was emptying into a glass with a straw, then he looked back to Drusilla. "Did he put up a stink?"

She smiled and shook her head. "No, he wants to help."

Both Willow and Spike shot her dubious looks, which she ignored, as she carefully lifted Spike up farther on the pillows. He couldn't restrain a grunt of pain and his face paled even more. Willow sat down on his other side and guided the straw into his mouth.

"This will help ease the pain," she murmured as he sipped the rich blood.

"Angel will be surprised that you are still alive, but I knew you would be. He doesn't realize how strong your will is. I'll come back each night with another pint until you're all better."

Spike finished the glass and Willow set it aside as Drusilla continued. "I made him see that we're still a family. It took a bit of work, but he finally accepted it. He will continue to help you get all better, and we shall be happy again. And, soon, we will add this lovely flower to our family." Her hand brushed Willow's cheek and the younger girl jerked back, paling.

"I know," Drusilla soothed. "It's frightening, the thought of dying, yet not dying, of the pain and pleasure Angel brings to those he loves." Turning her back to Willow, she slipped her velvet jacket off revealing a nearly backless dress...and dozens of lash marks. Willow gasped in shock. "I know, they're scary, but they feel so good. You too will know the caress of his lash, and soon it will feel as pleasurable as the touch of his hand."

"Drusilla," Spike protested. "What did you do?"

"Daddy loves me," she replied, a gleam of lust and love in her eyes.

"Some are still bleeding," Willow choked out, her face nearly as white as the few patches of unmarked skin on the vampiress' back.

"It doesn't matter." She turned back to the other two, frowning slightly at the concern on their faces. "I had to make Angel understand that we're a family and he can't just let you die, Spike. I knew he'd punish me. He threatened much worse."

Spike's face tightened. "You know that I hate it when he hurts you."

"It couldn't be helped," she shot back, then looked over at Willow's shocked face. "Look at me carefully, little one. This is what Angel does to his obsessions. He's doing it to the Slayer, and he'll do it to you."

Drusilla rose to her feet and reached for her jacket. "It's not so bad. In fact...it can be wonderful." She flashed them a wicked smile and sailed out of the bedroom.

"Oh God," Willow mumbled, shaking in reaction to Drusilla's words.

Spike weakly pounded a fist into the mattress. "I hate it when she does this, when she lets him do this to her."

"She...likes the pain."

"She bloody well craves it, Willow. It's a thin line between pleasure and pain, and Drusilla crossed it a long time ago. Too often, she can't feel pleasure any more without being hurt."

Willow's eyes filled with tears. "And you hate it."

"It's not...natural?" he finally finished. "Even for unnatural creatures like us."

"I like pain," she whispered dully.

"But you don't need it to find ecstasy. It's fun for you, the spankings, the fear caused by being tied. I have no problem with that. If I did, I would have stopped you a long time ago. But, it's when you cross the line. When you let a stranger mark you with a bull whip." He shook his head slightly, sorrow in his eyes. "I drove you to that, to seek pain as a punishment. You didn't feel pleasure, but...that's the next step. And, it's not one I want you to take. I've lived with the results for over a century. It breaks your mind as well as your body."

"Will...will Angelus do that...to me?" Willow finally forced out through a fear tightened throat.

"I...don't know. I hope I'll be around to stop him."

Sad tears trickled out of Willow's eyes and she curled up next to Spike, crying softly as he circled her shoulders with one arm and soothed her as best he could. 

End Chapter 11


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much filler as Spike grows stronger!
> 
> Yep, that was my original chapter summary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally published on November 21, 1999, just four and a half hours after the previous chapter. I must have written a whole bunch and divided it up before posting that day. And, since this is such a short chapter and I'm behind again, I'll post another chapter later tonight.

Monday morning arrived with a spring storm, but Willow's mood was too good to be dampened by the rain and dark clouds. Fresh from her shower, she dressed and sat on the bed to braid her hair, her eyes never leaving Spike.

He slept deeply and peacefully, his face free of pain.

For the first time, Willow felt confident that he was going to survive. He'd spent most of Sunday sleeping, waking every few hours for a fresh infusion of blood, while she'd caught up on her homework and her own sleep. Cordelia had dropped by in the afternoon and they'd watched a couple movies and pigged out on popcorn. At dusk Drusilla had arrived to drop off more of Angel's blood, and, after drinking it, Spike had remained awake for nearly two hours. They had talked quietly about inconsequential things, and he'd taught her how to play faro, and she'd taught him how to play old maid.

It had been very nice.

As she laced up her tennis shoes, Spike grunted behind her and she looked over her shoulder. "Good morning."

He grunted again, blinking into the dim light. "Raining?"

"Uh huh." Willow went to fetch some blood, returning with a mug and a straw. Spike had managed to pull himself up against the headboard and only a minimal amount of strain showed on his face. "How do you feel this morning?" she asked as she held the straw to his lips.

Spike drank quickly, then lay back on the propped pillows and licked his lips. "Better. Rested."

"Good. You look stronger."

He nodded slightly and their eyes met. "I feel...hopeful." His lips twisted. "Usually that's right before the shit hits the fan."

"Don't say that," Willow scolded. "You're going to be fine."

"Keep bullying me, luv. It helps."

She returned his smile, then placed a chaste kiss on his forehead. "I have to go to school. I've missed too much in the last few weeks. Cordelia will come over during her study hall around ten, and I'll come at lunch, then during my study hall around two. Okay?"

He nodded, and Willow picked up her purse, removing a small pink item. She placed it on his stomach. "This is my cell phone. If you hit 'on', then star one, you'll get my beeper. I'll come right away."

"I'll be fine, Willow. I'm just going to sleep."

She pursed her lips together in worry, then finally nodded and rose to her feet, picking up her purse and book bag. Pointing to a pile of magazines on the night stand, she added, "I asked Xander what kind of magazines young men like, and he suggested those. Do you like motorcycle magazines, cuz you have a motorcycle? There are some of those, and a wrestling magazine and Sports Illustrated, and something with heavy metal music in it."

"Maybe there's hope for the twit after all," Spike answered her with a smile, reaching for the top magazine. "Oh good, the latest WCW Magazine. I haven't seen Nitro in weeks."

Pleased that he seemed pleased, Willow smiled and headed for the door. "I'll be back soon..."

"Go to class, luv. I'll be fine."

She hesitated for a moment, then walked through the doorway.

*****

Everyone was in the Library apparently waiting for her, but trying to make it look like they weren't waiting for her. "How is he?" they all asked at the same time.

Willow grinned and dropped her book bag on the table. "He's much stronger. I think he's going to make it."

"Good," Xander said, then muttered, "Only because I don't want an insane best friend."

"So, I have ten o'clock?" Cordelia asked.

"Yeah. There's blood in the fridge. Just heat it in a mug in the microwave for about thirty seconds, then you'll have to hold it for him while he drinks through a straw. Though, he was holding a magazine okay, so he might be strong enough to hold the mug on his own."

"I'll hold it. I don't want to explain to Maria why the sheets are soaked with blood."

"So, he liked the magazines?"

"He seemed thrilled with some wrestling one," Willow answered Xander, and taking the seat next to Buffy who was fiddling with a pencil. "I guess that's something I'll have to learn to like."

"Well, one bonus is that the younger wrestlers are often in luscious shape," Cordelia added. "Quite yummy to look at. Though the women have such fake boobs."

"And, hey, the wrestling moves can come in handy," Xander said, wrapping his arms around his girlfriend and squeezing her till she squealed.

"That is NOT a wrestling move."

Willow looked away from the bickering couple as they started to kiss, and caught Buffy's gaze. "How'd it go with your mom?" she asked softly.

"Oh...not well. I'm grounded for two weeks. Angel's not going to take that well," Buffy whispered back. "I'll just have to sneak out. She'll be gone most of next week on a buying trip. Made some comment about asking my dad to come stay with me, and if that happens, I can get around him easily. Just use the guilt card."

"Have you seen him since Saturday morning?"

Buffy shook her head, and, as Giles came out of his office, changed the subject to the math homework which she hadn't done. 

End Chapter 12


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike takes a bath.
> 
> Gee these summaries are really imaginative.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally published on November 21, 1999 just a half hour after the previous chapter, I wrote: I anticipate one more, but might add some bits with the other characters, and I mean to write a Giles/Jenny interlude to fit in after his talk with Spike, but Shot is finally nearly done. And, they can all get on with their lives...
> 
> Yep, one more chapter, nope to the Giles/Jenny bit, and as for them getting on with their lives...well, until mid-February.
> 
> It was also dedicated: To my fellow forearm worshippers. Spike's nekkid!

Five nights after the shooting, Willow entered the bedroom to find Spike propped up in the bed, flipping the channels on the television set.

"There's bugger all on t.v.," he groused, turning the set off and dropping the remote.

Willow grinned and sat down on the bed facing him. "Someone's feeling better."

Making a face, Spike scratched at the nearly healed wounds in his chest. "They itch. I've never had wounds take this long to heal. It sucks."

Giggling, Willow leaned forward and kissed him, then pulled back to look into his eyes. "I'm glad you're feeling better."

He twisted his torso slightly and raised it off the pile of pillows. "Only a twinge of pain now."

"Good. Do you feel up to a bath?"

Spike's eyes lit up and he nodded eagerly. "Anything to get out of this friggin' bed."

"I'll go run it for you. You drink your dinner." She handed him a covered container of blood and went into the bathroom. When she returned, her face flushed from the steam, Spike was sitting up, his legs over the side of the bed. "I was going to help you do that," she scolded. "You haven't been up in five days."

Spike groaned. "Yeah, and every muscle in my body is telling me that."

Willow took his arm and together they managed to get him on his feet. He swayed and she caught him around the waist.

"Luv, I've been meaning to ask this. Why am I wearing Han Solo boxers?"

As they began the slow shuffle to the bathroom, Willow grinned down at the sight of Han Solo striking several manly poses on the white cotton. "I think they're cute." She patted one of the Han heads, which just happened to be over Spike's left butt cheek. "I have a pair of Princess Leia ones, if you'd prefer."

He waggled his eyebrows at her and she giggled. They reached the side of the tub and Willow helped him out of the boxers and into the steaming water. Spike sank back with a sigh, and she frowned at the pained expression on his face.

"Was it too much?"

Spike shook his head, closing his eyes and giving her a reassuring smile. "A few twinges. I mainly feel like a limp noodle."

Willow dropped to her knees on the thick pink rug and picked up a washcloth and the soap. Dipping the cloth in the water, she carefully wet his chest, then ran the soap over the scar tissue.

"Feels good," he murmured, as she continued to bathe him. After a few moments, she dropped the cloth and used her fingers, gently massaging him as she washed each arm, tracing the line of his biceps, and the cords in his forearms. Her hands ran across his taut stomach, and she helped him sit up slightly so she could reach his back. As he lay back down, she concentrated on his thighs, then his knees. Sliding her soapy hands lower, she wriggled a finger between each toe, smiling as he made a strange purring sound.

"I could get used to this."

Willow ran one fingernail along the sole of his foot and watched a shiver run through him. "I'm not sure I'd make a good slave girl."

His eyes opened to hooded slits and she trembled at the heat she saw in his gaze. "Willow in chains," Spike murmured. "Delicate gold ones, and I'd have the only key..."

"Spike..." she whispered, his sibilantly spoken words making her hot. He reached for her wrist and tugged her closer. As his hands slid around her back, water soaked through her thin t-shirt, but she didn't care. It had been so long since he had held her. Leaning down, she brushed her lips over his, then again, deepening the kiss.

"You're getting wet, luv," Spike murmured against her cheek, his hands caressing her shoulders.

Willow lifted her head and grinned at him. "No kidding."

He waggled his eyebrows at her again and she blushed, then sat back on her heels. Turning away from his penetrating eyes, she turned on the water, switching it to the hand-held shower. Spike wriggled into more of a sitting position, allowing her to wet his hair, her fingers massaging his scalp. He arched his neck and closed his eyes.

"I hope you don't mind smelling like flowers, 'cause that's the only kind of shampoo that we have here."

"I think my manliness will survive."

Shutting off the water, Willow reached across him for the shampoo and her breasts brushed his chest. Her nipples immediately hardened and her breath quickened, but she forced herself to continue with her chore.

Hair washed, body clean, Spike lounged in the tub watching Willow use a towel to swipe at the damp spots on her shirt. "Sorry about that. You could always take it off and join me."

"I don't think you're quite up for that, Spike." Her eyes traveled down his lean body to the juncture of his legs. His cock lay against his thigh, and Willow frowned in worry.

"At least I can feel it this time," he replied, trying to keep his voice light. Catching her worried glance, he continued soothingly, "It'll be all right. I nearly died. It's to be expected."

"It's just...weird. I'm so used to seeing you...um...ready." She flushed even more and he grinned wickedly.

"You know, one of the things I love most about you is that, even after all you've been through, you can still blush." He brushed his fingers over her pink cheek. "I can still make you blush," he added, his voice husky.

Willow leaned into his fingers, sighing in pleasure, then touched her lips to his knuckles. "Let's get you back into bed."

*****

Wearing the Princess Leia boxer shorts, Spike allowed Willow to tuck him into the bed, then grabbed her wrist and pulled her down beside him. "Can you stay tonight?"

"So far my parents seem to be accepting my excuse that Cordy is alone and lonely. Of course, they don't know Cordy. Xander rarely leaves her side these days." She snuggled into his side, resting her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her.

"What does she see in him?"

"Well...even though it grosses me out, since he's like totally sexless to me, which is really weird since I used to have a major crush on him..."

Spike interrupted her. "What?"

"Oh, that was before I knew the love of a demon," she replied mischievously, then continued, "Anyway, Cordy says he's pretty good at following orders, is allowing her to dress him sometimes, and has a really useful tongue." She made a face, then burrowed into his shoulder more. "This is nice. I've...missed this."

"We never really did much of this."

Willow looked up at him, her brow furrowed. "You know, I came to lots of conclusions over the past weeks, and I realized we never really talk or anything. I...I don't even know your real name."

"So...maybe we should look on this period of rehabilitation as a good thing, to get to know each other better."

Willow smiled and snuggled against him again. "Are all demons as sweet and considerate as you?"

Spike chuckled and brushed his lips over the top of her head. "Haven't you figured it out, luv? I'm unique."

Giggling, Willow thought about what she wanted to know most. "So, how dark is your natural hair color?" 

End Chapter 13


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big reunion...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally published on November 23, 1999. Original dedication: To Joss (yeah, I hate him but...) for giving me the S/W scenes last week that inspired me to get off my ass and finish this fic. (No clue why I hated Joss, but this was after "The Initiative".
> 
> Original end notes: Ta da! It only took 11 months from break up to make up...There will be a few more stories dealing with everyone learning to live in some sort of harmony (plus the Giles/Jenny interlude), and then some B/A angst, then I'm skipping to Fall, 1998 (see my Thanksgiving Fic) for the next big change in their relationship. (Yep, there's something else coming--in the works now for 11 months.)
> 
> Nope, the Giles/Jenny thing never happened (though they are together in this series). The B/An angst, on the other hand... I think I know what I was referring to the next big change and, y'know, it's not really that big considering what is to come after that. *g*

Ten days after the shooting Willow entered the guest house just before sunset. Her parents had insisted that she eat dinner with them, but had still allowed her to stay with Cordelia. Willow was very grateful that Cordelia's parents were conveniently out of the country so much.

Dropping her book bag on a chair, she kicked off her tennis shoes and walked into the bedroom, only to stop short, her mouth dropping open.

The room was lit by candles and Cher's love songs was playing on the stereo. Spike stood in the middle of the room wearing a pair of dark gray jeans. He held one pink rose out to her. Willow took it, raising it to her nose.

"You went outside for this?"

"They grow just out the back door. It was overcast. It was worth it."

She smiled, then walked into his embrace, her lips meeting his. "How do you feel?" she asked a bit breathlessly.

"Much better. Much stronger. I think I'm ready to go home."

Her brow furrowed and she nibbled on her lower lip. "Are you sure? Can you...defend yourself?"

"The only one I can't take is Angelus," he replied darkly, then tried to smile. "Don't worry. He won't do anything."

The reason why lay heavily over both of them, and Willow stepped out of his embrace to walk over to a table upon which sat a chilling bottle of champagne. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too. This has been nice. Well, except for the getting shot part."

She handed him a glass of champagne, then raised her own to her lips. "So...do we go back to the way it was before?"

Spike sipped his champagne, watching the emotions flicker across her face, then he took her hand and led her to the bed. They sat at the foot and he slid his arm around her waist. "I think that we should date."

"Date?"

"Yeah, you know, dinner, a movie."

"Isn't that a little backwards? I mean...we've already done what follows all that."

He flashed her a grin. "I never said I was predictable, luv." His look turned serious and he pressed a kiss to her temple. "As I get stronger, I need to make our relationship known to the rest of the community, to protect you."

"Is that done? I mean, vampires and humans?"

"More often than the watchers would like you to believe. We're not all insane killers, especially the older we get. We obviously don't need to kill to survive."

Willow drained her glass and pulled away from Spike to rise to her feet and walk back over to the bottle. "Um, yeah, about that..."

"You don't want me to kill," he finished for her.

She slowly poured another glass, keeping her back to him. "No."

"Okay."

Surprised, Willow turned around. Spike finished his glass and rose to join her, taking her hand and pulling her against him. "I don't want this to be an issue between us. I don't need to kill, so I won't."

"But...you like the violence and..."

He interrupted her train of thought. "I need fresh blood. It makes me stronger and I need to keep getting stronger, but I don't have to kill to take it. I can't promise not to hunt; the adrenaline in a victim's blood is very enjoyable. But, I'll hunt the scum of the Earth. Rapists, murderers, the bad guys...Politicians."

A flicker of a smile formed around her lips. "Will you be looked down upon for not killing?"

Spike shrugged. "I won't lose any standing as long as I can fight off any challenges. Even with these damn bullets inside me, I'm stronger than most. There's not a vampire in Angelus' clan who's more than forty years old outside of me and Dru. And, the older we get, the stronger. Add to that the fact that I'm one of Angelus' two childer, and that both his and your blood has increased my strength..."

"Am I worth all that hassle?" she asked in a small voice, picturing him spending his evenings battling other vampires.

"You're worth the world," he swore softly, taking their glasses and setting them aside.

"I love you William Francis Harold Addington."

Spike rolled his eyes at her recitation of his real name, but then smiled down at her. "I love you, too, Willow Ann Rosenburg." He kissed her, then swung her into his arms.

"Spike," she protested. "I'm too heavy."

"I'm not carrying you far." A moment later, he lay her in the center of the bed, then sat beside her.

Willow looked up at him, then slid her eyes down his pale chest. "Spike, are you sure about this? I mean...can you?"

He took her hand and drew it to the fly of his jeans, and her eyes widened in pleasure as she cupped the hard denim- covered flesh. "I'm fine and dandy."

Her hand continued to caress him, but she protested again, "But, even though your heart doesn't beat, when you get excited the blood pumps faster through it. This could..."

"I'll be fine. This morning I woke up with a stiffie and was half-way through relieving it when I realized what I was doing and that my chest didn't hurt."

Willow flushed and nibbled on her lower lip. "You masturbate?" She'd never really thought about it.

Spike groaned as her fingers continued to drive him crazy. "I want you all the time. I only get you every few days or weeks."

"Dru?" She had to know.

"That was the first time, Willow. I swear to you."

"I believe you." She smiled and flicked open the button on his jeans. "What do you think about when you touch yourself?" She slowly drew the zipper down, watching his eyes nearly cross as his cock sprang free.

"You," he replied hoarsely. "You naked, on my bed, your red hair spread out on my pillows, you body glistening with sweat, your nipples hard and dark pink, your hand between your legs..."

Lust exploded in her and she whimpered, her hand wrapping around his cock and squeezing gently. "I want you."

"It's been so long..."

Sitting up, Willow pulled her top over her head, then wriggled out of her skirt, leaving her in a pair of pink panties, soaked with her dew. Spike pulled off his jeans, then moved between her open legs. Leaning down, he ran his mouth over her breasts, catching first one than the other nipple between his teeth and nipping. Her hands rose to his shoulders, caressing up and down his back, as she began to squirm on the bed.

Sliding backwards, Spike trailed kisses over her shivering stomach, then along the waistband of her panties. Inhaling her scent--strawberry soap and musk--he slid his fingers into the sides of the scrap of silk and pulled down. Her bottom rose off the bed, aiding him in removing her panties. Tossing them over his shoulder, he settled on his stomach, his head pillowed on her thigh.

"I've missed this," he murmured. "So red, so swollen, so hot." One finger parted her labia, baring her distended clit to his eyes. The finger slid lower, finding her weeping entrance and slipped inside, curling up and thrumming against her tight inner flesh.

Willow bounced her hips, moaning, as her hands cupped her breasts and her fingers pulled on her nipples. "Please," she breathed raggedly.

He slid another finger inside her, smiling as she clenched and unclenched around his digits, then slid his thumb up her cleft. He teased her, running it around and around her throbbing bit of flesh, until she mewled his name. Then he touched her, his thumb pressing down on her clit and rubbing quickly.

Willow whimpered and bucked against his talented fingers, then groaned as his hand fell away. Spike fastened his mouth over her clit and sucked hard, scraping at the sensitive flesh with his teeth and tongue.

Yelling his name, Willow shuddered into orgasm, her hips bouncing wildly on the bed, her fingers digging into her soft breasts. As she came down, Spike lapped at her wet, quivering flesh, then smiled and moved over her. Willow's hands gripped his arms and her legs rose to wrap around his thighs, drawing him closer.

"I need you inside me," she begged, panting, her body still shuddering in pleasure. She felt his cock pressing against her opening and angled her hips more, granting him access.

With a grunt of pleasure, Spike slid to the hilt. Her heat and tightness made him shake and he dug his fingers into the bedding on either side of her shoulders. "Don't know...how long..." He thrust hard, his pelvis slamming against hers uncontrollably.

"'S okay," she crooned, meeting each thrust, her fingers kneading his taut upper arms. "Come, baby..."

Flinging his head back and growling deep in his throat, Spike let himself go, jerking into her, letting her inner muscles milk the orgasm from him. Panting for air he didn't need, he collapsed on her, then rolled to the side. "Shit," he breathed heavily. "Didn't mean to come off so fast."

Gently Willow turned him onto his back and curled next to him. "It's okay. It's wonderful." Her fingers caressed his chest as she pillowed her head on his shoulder. "It's been a long time."

"And it lasted all of sixty seconds, if that," he replied ruefully.

"Stop that," she scolded. "Ten days ago I didn't believe we would ever get to make love again. This is a miracle."

Spike felt tears prickle in the corners of his eyes and he pulled her closer. "You're my miracle, Willow."

"And, after our first date this Friday night, dinner at Fredericos and "Notting Hill..." She ignored his groan of 'chick flick' and continued, "We'll make love again and if it lasts only a minute, I'll still be just as happy."

"You're easy to please," he teased.

"It's not like you didn't make me come. You always make sure I come, even that first time. I can't believe that boys my age are that considerate."

"You'll never find out," he growled into her ear, then nipped the lobe making her giggle.

"Don't want to. It can't get better than this."

End


End file.
